Ladies

I am going to try and behave like a real lady. Because lately I've not been much of one. The thing about behaving like a lady is that it forbids a girl to say it as it really is. It takes a girl on the forever tour of trying to find lame words to describe what would otherwise have interesting potential. Behaving like a lady is hard work, it is responsible for some serious TMJ seeing you have to smile sweetly and innocently almost all the time. Ladylikeness also plays around with a girl's hearing ability, since no lady ever hears swear words, it also makes her very short-sighted because she doesn't see some things which are, summing it up in a word I hate... inappropriate. It is inappropriate for a lady to hear see and talk. It is appropriate for a lady to have doors opened for her, fur coats delicately removed by the stronger (?) sex, and chairs pulled out for her to be seated first. Of course I know how to behave like a lady. I wear delicate pearls, soft make up which looks as if I've just got out of bed but takes an hour to create. Oh, and my nails. That is a problem. A true lady should have carefully polished nails in French manicure. I have my own carefully polished nails, but what a waste that would be, French manicure. No, I want the all over the place nails, the ones that make a statement. I want bold lipstick and heavy eye liner, and I would trade pearls for black diamonds anytime. Oh dear, I'm not sure there is a true lady in me. But then what would the definition for lady be? My dictionary reference says, a woman who is refined, polite and well-spoken, of a high social position or economic class. And I try to be objective, I'm a St. Joseph Blata girl after all. So that makes me automatically refined, and don't try to argue with me. Of a high economic class? I would be if I didn't spend so much on designer stuff. But since I am childless and nobody is depending on me financially, then I feel as if I deserve the designer stuff because I am a lady. I'm not bad in public, I am polite, I am well spoken, I would never dream of swearing within someone's hearing. I think I do well. It's just this blog of mine which I have to be truthful to. So out come all the shitty words, stories about thingies, double sexual standards and disappointments about girls trying to be ladies and failing miserably. Most girls are not ladies. Most girls are pimping themselves out for something or other. I see it every day. I just never see the pimps, because today seeing we are so very advanced you can get a whore-and-a-pimp all in one. That is called a lot of progress. Ladies... big sigh. Ladies today are getting TMJ for the wrong reason, not through smiling. Ladies today are partially deaf because they panic they will die old and alone and think that the loud-mouth which comes along is fine because they are hard of hearing. Ladies today become short-sighted because they do not want to wait for a sight for sore eyes, so they start overlooking this and that. Low expectations do not make a lady. And after all is said and done, ladies today suffer from back pain because time, never forgiving the locked jaw, the lessened hearing and myopia plays the wicked trick on them. The trick which is called "I-told-you-so", through which they become experts on ceiling covings and ceiling gypsum. But the real lady, a timeless lady like me will have just watched, smiled, will not have stuck to her expectations and so will be ignorant as in ceilings but wise in her smile. And I smile. And I rest my case.