Me and genetics

My young cousin Elizabeth who is one of the very few people on this Earth who can actually talk a lot of sense thinks she should get a life. My other cousin Miriam, delves into the art of rugged sophistication. Me.... I do both of what they do. Somewhere down the line of genetic coding, something frightening has happened. At first glance it is so obvious that they are sisters, beautiful, wanton sisters like the ones you read about in Sense and Sensibility. One look at me, my twin and I could pass as strangers to each other. We are so not alike, yet so alike. We are a generation apart, yet still so alike. I read their blogs and could almost faint at the similarities. And theirs, at least is all because of a very developed mind. An artistic mind too. But still, our head hurts. Because we all have gone out into the world thinking that the rest of the world is a replica, until we grimly come to a conclusion it isn't. Not at all. And we keep finding it difficult to lay still and sleep because we do not know if we should be waiting for the world to start. At 19 and 24, perhaps that's allowed at such an age. But at 34? So it must be that either I am being late on catching up or they are very early at doing it. Or maybe there must be the same little gene making its way through all three of our lives. One big difference... they think before they act, I do the reverse. They maybe know it's the best time of their lives, at the time I didn't. Maybe they have more sense than me, maybe having a sister does that, I am sisterless and really couldn't care for a sister anyway. That's the twin part talking, two is company, three is invasion. That's one thing my parents chose well. I dread to think what it would be like to have an identical twin sister at that, just the thought sort of gets on my already frail nerves.

I feel trapped. A sixteen year old mind in the body of a 34 year old woman. Not long till forty, and I used to think forty was very old indeed. In the stakes of Jane Austen's novels, I'd have been cast by and forgotten to the world. Or else I'd have been put up for bidding by old rich widowers. Well the latter doesn't seem too bad, as long as they're filthy rich, who cares?! I am past the age of going after good lookers, a million in the bank looks even better and it will have to do.

Perceptions

Not very well today, that time of the month and everything when your insides feel as if they're going to split. Funny we don't get a brain that time of the month, it would probably help, that would mean only a couple of days of thinking. But c'est la vie. La vie d'une femme.

Still thinking, and finally getting a lot of wake up answers. I know can conclude (it's the brain of a 34 year old talking so maybe it is quite old now), that perception is the key to everything. I get sad because my feet are swollen, then see another girl without feet. Big reality check. Or that I'm too big, then see someone who's a victim of dwarfism (I hate this title). Another reality check. So maybe it's all down to perception and suddenly all I hate about myself becomes a blessing. So sometimes things I perceive to be annoying are actually a blessing, or if you happen not to believe in any Higher Power, just plain lucky. Because of course I'd rather have swollen feet than none at all, of course I'd rather be bigger than so tiny. Maybe I've done too much thinking, too much reading in my life. Reading affects you in the same way life events do. At least if you go so much into what you're reading like I do. We teach children that a book is a best friend, true, what we don't tell them is that it's also a savagely possessive friend and things can get lonely. Still in favour of the book, nothing can surpass that. Reading opens minds, and possibilities, it also gives you an advantage in life. Or a disadvantage, depending on the way you look at it. Then you keep trying to simplify things, otherwise very few people are going to understand you. That is perception.

Now for the world's perception. I wonder why people like me are seen as easy targets for others to look down at us, because of extra weight. Being overweight does not mean you're stupid, silly, lazy, and totally ignorant. We have brains too. Just as a whopping top-model blonde is not always dumb, they have brains too. But it's not just about brains, or looks. It's also about hearts and kindness. It's about being unselfish and caring. But for the most part, perception is about all things visual. So we think overweight people are stupid and stunning blondes are dumb. And we console ourselves by thinking that what matters is not on the outside but on the inside. Not true. Everything matters, it's your own perception of yourself that matters. And with that comes self esteem, and fast. And outgoingness, and fast. As well as retreating into your own safe shell. Also all about perception.

Which boils down to that maybe we should catch them young, because perceptions are being warped. Young... very young.