The hike

Life is no hike. Or perhaps it really is a hike, only the hiking takes place very much uphill. And I'm not very good at hills, because I'm no hilly billy. What would pacify me right now, is hot chocolate, a good cigar, and a Demicoli show. Of course anybody can join, but only from a distance. I am quite possessive about hot chocolate, cigars, and yes, even Demicoli. Do not laugh at Demicoli in my presence, but rather, laugh with him. That's ok. And it's the very little luxury I have right now. Try living with an ex very nice man who has turned as moody as I get when experiencing PMS. Impossible. So I just don't. I listen to Demicoli instead. Yes it's called running away from the hike. But I've hiked enough. I have tried to understand, to be sweet and nice too (yeah there is a nice in me), I have been exasperated and angry and let down. And nothing changes. It gets worse. And there grows fear, not the x-rated fear perhaps, but still fear. The fear of not knowing how it will be like in the next 5 minutes. And I'm safe, physically safe. But the torment of not knowing, of expecting the worst is not easy. So I just drown in hot chocolate and get dizzy on cigars, and get excited on Demicoli. I think I deserve that. I know it's still a hike. But it doesn't hurt anybody. And it gets me up the hills.