Female flows

Just as I'd imagined, the judge ruled in my royal favour. Of course he did. I am right ain't I? Yes I was, am and always will be. Period. But there's yet another thing which is confusing me again. And it's the period word. And I am trying really hard to look at the situation with objective, no-hang-ups specs. And I still do not get it. I guess I am a moron, a royal moron when it comes to women's DIY gynaecology. And this is going to sound disgusting, at least to me, but it's the truth. Along the course of these four years, I have come to know teachers and their ways better. It really wasn't much trouble, my being the offspring of two other teachers (Yikes!) themselves. But I have never heard my parents talk in the same non-chalante way as do the teachers of 2009. The female teachers I mean. A lot, and I really mean a lot of them seem to think that menstruation, female periods or lack of them, are an interesting subject. Now it's ok, I know I am a private person who is very private about her privates and would never divulge something like that to anybody. But my female colleagues do. And it's not just girls-among-girls talk. No, equality reigns. Fine, I am a misfit, antisocial, and want nobody to know what's going on with me and my female private body. Perhaps I go over the top on being secretive. But that's me. And no, I do not live my life like a nun, never have, never will. And also no, I am no puritan. But discussing the female flows over coffee? And is it really necessary to describe, the length, width, colour, shape, viscosity of whatever is going on down there? I don't want to know. Because I don't care for one. And I find it disgusting for another. And they go on and on and rant and rave even in front of our male colleagues. It makes me cringe. It makes me want to run away. It makes me want to scream. And at the end of it all it makes me want to shoot them execution style. If the subject if going to be about blood, then I might as well as take the gore. Do I understand the whole issue? No. And yet I have to listen, because I haven't been brave enough to tell them to shut up. But I will one day soon. Very soon.

Diet Coke.... AGAIN!

I have an issue. And I could also call it a problem, seeing I cannot understand it. It's called, What's the problem with Diet Coke or Coke Zero? Perhaps I cannot understand it and perhaps I don't want to understand it. Diet Coke and Coke Zero and fizzy drinks, so harmless they are called soft drinks. They contain no sugar, just caffeine. And here I being to put my case to my imaginary judge who will take my side of course because I'm a bad bad loser. We tell little people that nicotine and tar are bad for our health. Fair enough, and this is coming from a smoker, but really, it's very fair enough. We tell them not to eat fast food we we label as junk. A sandwich is fast food because it's done in less then a minute, and yet it's not junk. That's what I see in little people's lunchboxes. That is what little people see their elders eating too. Eating bread every day is not a very healthy thing to do, but let me close my royal eye on that. We also tell little people that alcohol is unhealthy, which might be true if taken to alcoholism. Now this is coming from a girl who could be Muslim in the alcoholic behaviour, I don't drink quite simply because I don't like it. Alcohol makes me sleepy, sluggish and depressed. So let's say that that is bad too. And we also tell little people to drink, wait for it, water, H2O, just H2O. Boring. I was a little girl, and I hated water. Now I'm a big girl and I still hate hate hate water. I like Diet Coke, of which I drink copious amounts. What's the big deal about that? Had it been normal totally sugared Cola I would have understood, but something as harmless as a diet soft drink? Oh come on. I have seen, smelt alcohol poured in Ice Tea bottles, and that's so sly. I say nothing because it's not my business anyway. Why is Diet Coke so bad? Is it because of the fizz, the caffeine? But then people with little people drink hellish amounts of coffee and tea with sugar and milk, isn't that worse? Or is it ok because it's usually in a mug and is invisible to a little man's naked eye? I, a very heavy smoker, will never agree to smoking in front of little people. And I, a tee-total cannot talk about alcohol. I do not ban it because it doesn't interest me. Life's tough enough, do we really want to bring up a nation of just water-drinkers? That's sad. A soft drink is called just that for a reason. Because it's soft and harmless and doesn't interfere. We have healthy breakfasts, where the amount of food consumed really worries me. If I consumed that amount of healthy breakfast every day I'd be twice my size. And that worries me a lot. The diet legend has it that one needs to eat a proper breakfast to be healthy. But that sadly is a myth, a legend. Of course, you could say, look who's talking. I smoke too much, I eat too much at night, and I am a very unhealthy picture. And all along, I was brought up in a family where healthy eating was the order of every day. And look what happened. As soon as I was old enough to get out, I loved all the things which were deemed 'unhealthy', 'bad'. It was forbidden fruit. It just tasted so sweeter. But my Diet Coke habit is a legacy thrown onto me by my parents. And no, it's another legend, Diet Coke does not make you fat ( there goes the f-word). I have been half my size and was still drinking Diet Coke. My opinion, which of course counts because it is a royal opinion, is that banning everything could lead to worse things. Imagine me, a little girl, having to forcefully drink water, eat bread and nothing else during school. How puritan. I would have thrown so many tantrums that I would have been given an LSA immediately and deemed autistic, anti-social (which I think I am), a problem child. What are we trying to do here; bring up the next generation of poor frustrated creatures, whose taste-buds will be even more frustrated? Where is that going to end? In a few years little people will become big people, and what then, do you really expect them to go clubbing drinking bottled water? That's not real. What about the artificial sweetener, the notorious aspartame in the Diet Coke? Aspartame leads to cancer? Oh geeze if we really start believing that then we're going to need psychologists for all of us. Would I prefer to live up to 80 and have lived a very boring life? Or would I prefer to live up to 75 and have drunk something like 1000000000000 litres of Diet Coke? I choose the latter. A poor life this, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare. And here I rest my case and wait for the judge who will rule in my royal aura.