Unmarried

I have the key to the question I'm always being asked... 'Why haven't you ever married?' Before, it used to make me embarrassed, as if my peers had won the prize which I'd never even thought about. Now, I know why. It's a religious answer, of all things. The answer is, that I have come so close to getting married plenty of times, but God, the real God up sitting on the clouds has been kind enough to grab me by my long hair and take me out. I used to be mad at Him for this. Not anymore. I am so thankful. If I had got married once, I would probably be through with my third marriage by now. Which wouldn't be such a bad thing, but then I'd probably have kids too by now. Which perhaps wouldn't be such a bad thing either. But Oh dear am I thankful for not having gone through with an itchy thing such a divorce. Perhaps I have commitment problems, and perhaps that stems from something else, and perhaps a million years on the couch will never solve the why. But somehow cohabitation feels safer, as long as the common law marriage doesn't happen. And no I'm no trying to be silly, I am just seeing my friends distraught over dead marriages which they still live in because they have no place to go. Because once they said their marriage vows, the rest of their earnings wasn't all theirs. Half and half. Not even if their husband or wife decided to go on a screwing rampage and parade it in their face. They have to stay. Otherwise they will suffer for it. And the thing is they are suffering for it already. And I think that somehow I understand. Everybody seems to get married till 25, and that's it. But we grow, our mind grows and what is satisfaction at 25 suddenly becomes a boring old chore at 35. Because really, how can we know what we want for the rest of our life at 25? We don't. Me at 25 and myself now. My tastes are different now. I will not settle for less than Chanel, and I've even taken a liking to fine bone china. I thought that would never happen. It did. But china is easy. I could throw away all the contents in my cupboards and start again. With marriage, it's not that easy. Or I guess it's not. Few people really don't care a hoot. The majority cannot do anything about it. So they become slaves to something which is dead boring. I'm sorry for them, I really am. But thankful that I'm left on the shelf.