Sex Machine?

Someone very dear to me has brought to my attention that I write a lot about sex. He also winked at me, dirty wink and said since sex was all over my blog, it must be all over my life, my real life. Not so. I am no sex machine. So let's get down to it (pun not intended) and out with the truth. I really do not have to have sex incorporated into my life to thrive. Loads of other things make me thrive, my cats, my music, my Mister, my family, my blog. But then my shrink would classify all of that as sublimation. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong. But he's a nice man with a lot of caring power so that's ok because I trust him implicitly. Come to think of it, my shrink is also a sexologist... there goes the sex word again. But I don't want to digress. So sex again it is. And I was saying, that no, I am no sex maniac. Perhaps I was something of the sort in my 20's. But I'm in my mid-30's now and all that has changed. I do not go prowling at night looking for my next kill. I might be typing in here but typing has nothing to do with sex. So why all the sex talk? It's just because I am a self-proclaimed anthropologist and I think that the science of anthropology includes sex. Or else it's because the people I meet are so asexual that I just have to get it from somewhere. Perhaps it is also because I like alternative lifestyles, and with that also comes alternative lifestyle sex. I am quite amused by all the alternatives, and consumed by some. But not consumed by sex. Certainly not. What would the opposite of sex maniac be? A sexless maniac? A sexless non maniac? Why are they called maniacs anyway? They might just have a hobby which they take to heart. I am a shoe maniac, a Chanel maniac, yet somehow those terms are never used. I get called a shoe fanatic, a Chanel fanatic. So why not sex fanatics? If sex is there for all to take, then why do we somehow look down on the people who grab the opportunity with two hands, two feet and a thingy? Sometimes it's good to go on a Carpe Diem diet. And yet I am no sex addict. I am addicted to so many things, a born addictive girl, I think I'm even addicted to addiction. But if someone is beginning to think that I spend a lot of time scrutinising the ceiling, or that my hands and knees are chaffed.... really, they're so wrong. So what is it then? Things works both ways. For me at least they do. So if I don't steer the addicted-to-sex way, do I steer to the not getting any? Hmmm I'm not sure I want to get so naked.. yet. Because that would be a whole new different blog entry. You see, it's not my fault at all if the sex topic is so wide and vast, high and low....

Mickey and Minnie

I am tired after reading a comprehension about a Mrs. Melody. Now that sounds like a woman who would be nice. A nice old lady. She wasn't. She was a grumpy old lady who barked and never talked to anybody. And of course, as comprehensions go, there was a tiny mouse who saved Mrs. Melody's life. Of all things... a mouse. Why do comprehensions have to give a mousey aura of cuteness? It just says in big unspoken words... mice are cute. But are they really? If I were trying to recover after a fall and a mouse so much as brushed its whiskers against my chin I'd have fallen over and over again. Horrible thought. But then not even dear old Walt Disney would have agreed with me, he invented Mickey Mouse, and as if that were not enough, he gave him a wife so they could copulate and procreate. And since mice are rodents, they fall into the category of rabbits who are known to have a high sex drive. So were did Mickey's and Minnie's mousey kids go? Did some clever being trap them all, or did they use the Kana family planning with thermometers and watching out for disgusting things like a woman's fluids? Or did they know all about the contraceptive pill? But then since Minnie isn't ever bloated, did they use condoms or what? Clever couple, not even the Pope knew about it. Me neither. It just occurred to me right now. Did Mickey and Minnie use the flavoured kind, the ribbed kind, the highly sensitive kind? And how the hell did they get so lucky as to never ever getting a condom break. Or maybe they were extra cautious and as well as a condom they used the withdrawal system. Because if not, where are all their mousey mice? Perhaps it was a secret shotgun wedding and they then donated (not a nice word but anyway it's mice I'm talking about here) their mice to Sedqa and Appogg who think that if you have a wine rack in your kitchen, your children will turn out to be alcoholics. Alcoholic mice! Gambling mice! Mice with STD's! Teenage pregnant mice! Drug abusing mice! It could really have all gone down that road. And perhaps it did, otherwise, why build big places like Disneyland so that the mice could go unnoticed? The Church has never condemned Mickey and Minnie. I don't think any sort of religion, organisation, or sect has ever condemned Mickey and Minnie. Which comes to me as a mystery. Most of these organisations have one thing in common... go forth and multiply. They didn't. So Mickey and Minnie have sinned against the human race. So much for their coitus interruptus. And seeing that nobody can say they weren't rodents, and again seeing that the fact that rodents have a lot of sex is widely accepted because it is the truth, then Mickey and Minnie were at it all the time with Mickey having to ejaculate every time, thus making their mousey bed dripping with mousey spunk. Or perhaps Minnie was a good swallower, if that is so, she must have swallowed gallons. And the thing is Mickey and Minnie have never grown old, they remain the same as I remember them when I was a child. No wrinkles, no grey hair, no back problems, no diabetes, nothing. Then the one thing which makes you forever young is to have a lot and a lot of sex. So it's all sex, sex, sex. Botox anyone? Oh I'm just taking the mickey, that's all....