I've changed. A lot. A friend of a friend of a friend relayed an old time favourite remark about me. Now whoever said this is not my friend, not even my enemy, the person is a beast, one of those who is steadily winning a place in hell. His problem of course, but he made it mine for a long time. Now... I could kiss him, I got the best deal, he knows it, probably that's what makes him hate me harder. I can never explain this sheer hate. I can only say it was like what happens when it's love at first sight, when there's explosive chemistry between two people. Only this was hate at first sight and explosive chemistry as in negative chemistry. Which made me so sad at first, until I realised that I was haunting him and not the reverse. And it's not finished yet. I know it's not, he knows it's not, it's like suspended in air. He is also a man of the lie, and people like that finally get caught up in the circle of life - what goes around really comes around. The hate game, it makes you sick. The forgetting game, it restores your health and beauty. Take it from me. I know, I really really know. I hated him, he made me so angry, lies make you angry, because you know they're so not true, and you have to keep proving it. And it takes up a lot of tears at first, then energy as the anger comes out. And after all this, he still has to say, she is brilliant, but beware she is fiery and will take a fight. Which is true.... true of the me I knew. I love the bit... she is brilliant, I can safely call him incompetent, he, through all his hate... he cannot, he says I am brilliant. Oh I'm loving the guy now ain't I?!!! Someone tries to fire you and says you're brilliant. And because he has to hate me says I'm mad. But I took him on, he thought he'd win.... I almost feel sorry for him now, I got the better deal.
But I've still changed. I'm not angry anymore now. I don't have to fight my way anymore. I don't have to prove anymore that tragedy doesn't make you mad. Sad perhaps, very sad, but not mad. Before I thought I needed to buy so many years on the couch... not anymore. I still love the couch don't get me wrong, it's safe, comfortable, and a nice sleeping zone. But that's all it is now. Now it's time to take stock of things and look forward. And Mr. Who Hated Me..... seems you still do, but you have to pocket your pride and say with a deadly sigh... she's brilliant. Thank You, that is a standing ovation. Pity I can never say the same thing about you. But you taught me a lot about life, about lies, about anger, hatred. I hope you learned that yes nobody messes about with me like you tried to, because as you yourself say.... she's brilliant! And that's soooooooooo nice!
But I've still changed. I'm not angry anymore now. I don't have to fight my way anymore. I don't have to prove anymore that tragedy doesn't make you mad. Sad perhaps, very sad, but not mad. Before I thought I needed to buy so many years on the couch... not anymore. I still love the couch don't get me wrong, it's safe, comfortable, and a nice sleeping zone. But that's all it is now. Now it's time to take stock of things and look forward. And Mr. Who Hated Me..... seems you still do, but you have to pocket your pride and say with a deadly sigh... she's brilliant. Thank You, that is a standing ovation. Pity I can never say the same thing about you. But you taught me a lot about life, about lies, about anger, hatred. I hope you learned that yes nobody messes about with me like you tried to, because as you yourself say.... she's brilliant! And that's soooooooooo nice!
