Flimkien kollox possibbli?

If I had to have a camera here I think I'd make good viewing. Splendid viewing in fact, so good that my dear old twin and his Arani Issa would go down in cinders. I would make history. That good. Why? Because I look like an idiot, behave like an idiot, think like an idiot. And smile like one too. Total idiocy at its best. I sometimes sit here typing and smiling, for no reason at all. Well one reason would be that I am slowly starting to change the teary lines into the real laughter lines. That means, slowly and surely I will never have to lie anymore. I will not explain the teary lines as if they were smiley ones. They will be real smiley ones. Et voila`! At this time I am faced with two Enemalta bills, and while everybody is so worried about them, I am not. Not because they're not big bills, they're actually massive. Part of it is my fault, I voted for it. I won't vote for it another time, yes in my old age I'm about to change track. Sorry but home is where it hits first, and it's not just the Enemalta bills. It's the 'Flimkien kollox possibbli'. Three very nice words, but which have disappointed me to my core. And now I won't be surprised if I get a sudden phone call straight out of some ministry. I wrote something to this effect on the very addictive facebook, and I got some twenty messages. Out of the twenty, one made my blood boil, 'we vote not for our own good but for the good of the country.' Pardon? Isn't my good important? The thing is that is what I thought too, but once I saw it typed out, I freaked out. I want things for my own good too. I want the justice promised. Enemalta bills are the least of my worries although they might worry a lot of poor people and I empathise. But charity begins at home, that's my home, my very personal home.

Sparkle

During the same time of the year, I keep taking looks at my Christmas Tree, all my house still dressed up in splendour. Everything twinkling, it's so beautiful. And I know I have to do the very boring job of taking everything down. Even my doctor told me that! But if only I can make it last just a little more. There is no other time which sparkles like Xmas. The next sort-of-celebration will be Valentine's Day, but there's nothing sparkling there, just roses. Oh yes there are rings to sparkle too, but I guess at 35 you're not that enthusiastic as when you were 16. At least it's that way for me. Then there's Easter, which I hate because I do not celebrate the death of anybody. I think about the people who have crossed onto the other side (if there is another side), and I wish they were here sometimes. But sadly it isn't the way the world works. So there really is nothing to shout about Easter. Oh I know He rises from the dead, but since this has been given to Him only I don't think it's fair and hence I don't want to think about it. Summer, ok so there are summer holidays, but still nothing sparkly except for the beating sun, the droplets of sweat, arghhh I hate it.

I'm just keeping the sparkle for a few more days, they'll be down soon enough.

Percentages

First of all thanks go to everybody who called, emailed, texted or found another way of getting through. But why the sudden concern? Hey guys and gals, sometimes I just go down memory lane, it doesn't mean that the past has suddenly found its way to the present. There is a 99.9% chance of that happening, and I really never think about the 0.01% chance. I'm fine, it's just that perhaps I think a lot, seeing that I talk to the cats a lot, to the dogs a lot, to myself a lot, and to the Mister a lot. Does he understand? Yes, in his own way he does, as all of you do, in your own way. Experience is something best kept in a drawer, locked away without the possibility of ever finding the key. A lot of you (and that includes the Mister) have never experienced, and hopefully will never go through the same thing. It's not good. There is also a 99.9% chance of it happening to anybody anyhow, you see how lucky, I once bagged the 0.01% chance. Amazing. And although I will forever ask the dangerous 'why me?', now that it's all over, I'm not glad it had to be me but then we do not get to choose everything. Life doesn't work as if you're peering down through a very shiny glass top underneath which are diamonds of every size, with your only effort being choosing the one which tickles your fancy. Perhaps God doesn't give us more than what we can handle, although sometimes I wish He didn't trust me so much. I have bumped into too many wrong people I guess, I cannot go down the road of... it's my fault for actually bumping into the wrong people. The percentage is once again, very small, but a percentage nonetheless. There is also a very tiny percentage chance of me winning the lottery, but of course then I don't bag those kind of percentages. What's a girl to do? Nothing except accept it and move on. And although it seems I must have been a good tear-jerker during yesterday's last entry, I cry no more now and I don't need my mirror often, except to improve on what is already beautiful! Oh dear I have really moved on, perhaps too much, but I deserve it anyway. What is strange now is that a lot of people showed so much concern because of yesterday's entry. And as a ratio, the percentage showing concern in the past was perhaps a 1% counting the ones doing it because of sheer curiosity, to know if it was true, and from then forth exterminating themselves from my life. Perhaps a small percentage was my fault too, I was apprehensive and almost felt guilty and made myself a 100% sure that they wouldn't want to know. What was also a 100% certain was that no matter how hard I tried, I got a resounding 0% of understanding, until it got too tiring and I gave up completely.

But that's over now. I am so back it's amazing. A 100% back.