Dear Big Brother

I have been typing here so much I'm about to get something like and RSI. But it would be worth it. I am going to try my last card. Since Big Brother is constantly reading and watching with his beloved CCTV's here I go.

Dear Big Brother,
Don't you realise that you are getting in the way of love? And it's not mature love, but the love that comes with the simple heart of a child. Let me keep my promises, I swear I will keep every one of them. And why do you have to get in my way? Why now? It wasn't always this way. You are an intellectual person with a flair for you know what. Hasn't any of the you know what rubbed off onto you? I know you know all about the world of Gor, and probably De Sade, but forget all about that. I know you do not like Forrest Gump, maybe not even Polar Express. But I do. And nobody can do anything about it. Do you recall these soundtracks? Have you given yourself time out to sit in peace, in the dark, and let them do their thing? I can hear the music, and I am not alone. I can also hear the noisy solitude, the blaring torment. Can you hear all of that? You have a choice, you can make it possible. What you do makes me so sad, but don't worry about me, someone else is waiting sadly. He's been waiting for so long, finally someone is listening. I do not care for intellect, whether that is good or bad. I am pleading with you to give me a chance to prove myself. I will not let anybody down, least of all a little man, because he is the closest to my heart. I do not know why, but it is a lot like a God calling. You say that it is a policy, but let's get real, what policy is this, and whoever shaped this policy? Is it you? Do I confront you? But will you lie to me again? Should I trust you, I'm not sure. I just hope you find a little space in your heart to read this, not to go on the defensive, not to attack, but to remember that a little man's life is at stake. I need not teach you, you're the expert there. But you can make a difference, look at something else instead of at the CCTV's for one minute. You can do it and become a hero in the process. Please.

Fed up

I am fed up, totally fed up. No, it's worse, fed up is too shy a sentence to describe what I feel. Big Brother needs a lesson. I would love to tie him up and spank his sorry ass into submission, but that would not help me nor him. I try to win my feuds by explaining, I know that crossing swords is too medieval and should be left in medieval times. You see, I have been blessed with coming into contact with some true people through whom I have learnt volumes. Sometimes, when you're not getting anywhere it's best to leave it. But not now. I am not leaving it. I am 35, and have everything. But I did not choose to be this way. It happened, through luck, fate or Mrs. Destiny. I could have very well been born into shameful solitude and been shunned. But I didn't. And that happened through no effort of mine. Some people are not so lucky. So please let them live and let them find a brighter future. It requires no effort on your part, just don't do anything at all. That would be enough. I guess I am not fed up, but I feel the anger building up inside. This isn't fair, it hurts me, but forget about me. It is hurting someone else, and that should never be, all the more so when someone little is hurting too. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I make a special order for a whip for the occasion? Or what?

Three guys...

There is a great guy, the kind of whom I can talk to about everything. He is also very gentlemanly, with a wicked twinkle, and thinks with his heart more than anything else. He is also the kind of guy who will bail me out in times of upheaval, one of the rare species who will gladly bring up chicken soup when I'm ill. And he's sitting behind me, back to back, so no, I am not writing this so he can see it and be glorified. He doesn't care about glory anyway.

There is another great guy, the kind of whom I want to see everyday. The kind of whom I want to just watch him sleep. A perfect little guy who may be imperfect to everybody else, but is just perfect for me. I miss him, because this guy is not sitting in with me in the same room. I also miss him because the pompous old big brother is watching me as if talking to this great little guy were a wrong thing to do. I guess I should sign him up for Arani Issa and get him a heart, no matter how artificial. Because at least he would have something like a heart. I am ready to give up everything, change my whole lifestyle for this little guy. I am well known for my siestas nationwide, but I'll even give that up. People tell me I'm losing it, but I don't think so, and anyhow I will gladly lose my brain to a heart. I am not a super mummy, but nobody is unless they are. I wonder how it is for daddies. My kind of big guy seems so happy. And my other little guy would be so happy too. And that in turn would make me so happy. I am also notoriously known for my bad smoking habit, I just love smoking, have been doing so for 15 years, but I will give that up for him. I want him so much that I am ready to do just about anything. I just wish the perfect guy were still in the picture, because I could talk to him, and he would understand. I could talk to the perfect man, even 'confess' anything and everything, because he is no pompous ass. He is one who doesn't need the heart transplant. People disagree with me, but I will still gladly vouch for him. He will, of course, still decorate a Christmas tree to perfection and that's OK because it makes him who he is. There is one common factor which these three guys share; not size, not age, not even intellect, it's a good old heart which lies in all three. Pity big brother doesn't have one.