NO!

Such a tiny word which speaks a lot. My mother says it was the third word I actually spoke, after the gold word and the shoes word, most naturally. Third time it was a no. No mum I didn't want to eat although you seemed to think that I had to eat eat eat, although now you seem to have changed idea about it. No mum I didn't want to wear pants, I wanted a full skirt because you told me I was a girl. Or because it was ingrained in me. No mum I never wanted to cut my hair, not even when you begged me. No No No. I've said the word a lot. It does tend to be a big part of your vocabulary when you're headstrong and want to do it your way. I think somewhere along the course of life I got tired of saying no because I wasn't getting any attention. So I started saying yes, and found it made extremely popular especially with the opposite sex. I had guys. All it took was a yes. Ok maybe a little bit more than that, but there was always a yes. And then one day I realised that 'yes dear' was on its way out too. For the first time in my life I was on my own, and I couldn't say yes to anyone else anymore. I didn't want to. So I starting 'yes dear'-ing myself. Oh I love the red strappy sandals, should I... yes dear, because you have been through too much so you deserve it. Guys were in much the same situation as the strappy heels. I never again said a yes to them, only to myself if I felt like it. Did I feel like it... yes dear. Did I feel like it... oh no, clear off. That's how it was. And I believed in women's rights, and I can understand the bra burning of my ancestors. Thing is, I still believe in women's rights, although I love pretty balconettes. But something isn't quite right. I have become an expert at saying no in a variety of shades. No thank you, would you mind if we didn't, no please, I can't, so many versions of no. And while most people would stop and think and at least accept the no even if they didn't agree, the world still contains a man who thinks that no means yes and yes... means yes. And he really believes it. He will still want his twice a morning and his twice a night, even if I said no. And I've said it so many times that I've learnt not to argue anymore. Because if I say no, a yes will happen together with a flare of temper, loads of threatening, and what nots. So I might as well say yes and get it on. It's easier. But it shouldn't be like this. My no should mean just that. NO!