I've been absent these last couple of days, but then, my mind isn't exactly very present. The heat, the holidays, the nothing special going on, it all caves in sometimes. And sometimes not. I am longing for a little less heat when the maquillage can really go on and look perfect. Or maybe for the maquillage to go clean off. I suppose what we do has some bearing on what we feel. Or maybe not. It is confusing for me to decide what I want to do, and at 34 one would think we all knew what we wanted in life. But not for a 34 year old with a 16 year old mind. If I have maybe done one correct thing that is that I've shied away from the till-death-do-us-part commitment. And I will hopefully still keep shying away. Because had I committed at the 'normal' expected age, I'd probably have changed my mind a million times. And I cannot even make my nail polish stay on long enough....
Things either happen fast or none at all. But still it is a problem to push myself out of this very safe niche which I have created for myself. You don't even have to bother with coats of mascara, well in this weather I wouldn't anyway. But it's so safe. Although sometimes it feels as if I am spiralling downwards, if that makes any sense at all.
Still pensive here, but I have to be strong now.
Things either happen fast or none at all. But still it is a problem to push myself out of this very safe niche which I have created for myself. You don't even have to bother with coats of mascara, well in this weather I wouldn't anyway. But it's so safe. Although sometimes it feels as if I am spiralling downwards, if that makes any sense at all.
Still pensive here, but I have to be strong now.
