Va Fanculo

Why do I have to think Demicoli every time something happens? Why does he have to have song to commemorate everything? Guess the guy's smart, and although he might not be a lateral, vertical or perpendicular thinker, he's a thinker just the same. And today is the day when I have punched the air in triumph... and immediately thought of the guy... of his song, his Va Fanculo. Terrible innit? A girl like me, educated at a convent school, thinking of something so crude. Well, that's exactly what this girl thought of. And I have to use and abuse his Va Fanculo song tonight. I hope he won't mind. I'm way too shy to ask him myself. So hopefully he'll be a good man and allow me without sending me bills for copyright infringement. Because I have been waiting for today for five long years. And it's finally happened. Like Demicoli, I too am remembering the sheer anguish a group of people made me go through, totally unnecessarily. I remember myself crying copious amounts with my late cat pawing at my tears and wondering what was wrong. They made my cat suffer too may he rest in Rainbow Heaven. They dished out the persecution torture, they made me think I was paranoid when I wasn't. And yes Joe, I know exactly what you mean when you say you cursed them silently. I did too. And I waited. And cried some more. And they thought they were prettifying their air conditioned offices with their LM2000 curtain. While I was forced to go somewhere else, completely new. And I don't take kindly to change. So some more crying, and I had to get used to it. The thing is I not only got used to it, but I started liking it, and finally fell in love too. They thought they were punishing me, when instead they did me a favour. But I've never been out of the woods yet. Until today. Because the one thing I learnt from a man who doesn't have a life except for his music is... patience. This man really has no life, not even a wife, seeing she's so busy sitting on other man's laps while he can only come up with a nerdy wimpy smile. But he taught me the art of patience. Wait, wait, and wait some more. And I did. And now I'm glorified. A mafia clan who has been ripped to pieces. And they'll turn on each other too sooner or later. It's the history of the world and you can never go wrong there. They made me cry, they made my life hell, I lost plenty of sleep, and booked the couch perpetually. But today it all stops, today I breathe a sigh of relief, because against many odds, I'm still here. And there will be no more peacock strutting, nor more abuse of power, no more lavish curtains and air-conditioning payed by my taxes. Today they've gone away. And I have only one thing to say to them.... Va Fanculo.

James

Bach's Double Violin Concerto in D minor will never be the same again. No matter how many times I will be listening to it again during the rest of my lifetime, no matter how famous the violinists performing it will be, it will be only one person playing it... James. And yes I realise that my last entry has been about James. But he so does deserve another... entry that it. It is not because the ones who pass on become saints, not a 'chi muore e` santo' kind of thing. Oh God James would have never wanted me to write about him the saint. He'd kick me hard where it hurts. Because he didn't like being a saint. He left his own legacy true, but he'd never want to be some beatified someone whom people prayed to. And yet, I still pray to James. Ok ok James keep your hat on, I don't pray, I talk to you don't I? I talk to James when I'm sad and low and feeling terribly wronged, because if there ever was a man who knew about all that, then it's him. And as I've watched his video clip on FaceBook, such a lot has jogged my memory. Those hands, those fingers which he so liked to play with, in a very unusual manner, he liked making his fingers 'walk' in a manner impossible to me, on any dinner table, even on my car dashboard. And he might have passed on, but he's still a survivor. He beat all odds, odds which make my odds pale in comparison. He cried his heart out, but he smiled more cheekily than ever. And I listened to the endless stories and ideas because I don't want to call them fantasies. And we all knew who was behind James all the time didn't we? But we didn't like her much, well no, they didn't like her much. I never had a problem. James liked her though... a lot, a hell of a lot. And he might be resting in peace, but that sounds like something which James would never do. He's probably still being cheeky and trying to iron out his ideas with a Higher Power now, a Higher Power who will be wiping his brow when confronted with all the whys and hows but not whens. No when now, because time stands still in a completely different dimension. So go on, have a ball, and have one for me too. Because you've now mastered Bach, at least to me.

One rehearsal...

Something incredible happened tonight. Somehow I got stuck on EBay and logged onto Face Book quite late. I certainly didn't expect to see a long-lost musician friend of mine in all his glory in 2009. But I'm so glad I did. And as I watched the video clips I suddenly couldn't see anymore, so blinded with tears was I. I wasn't expecting them either, but it all felt as if I were transformed into the world of 2005 and all was well, or as well as was to be expected. And I listened and cried, first fighting back the damn tears, then letting them fall helplessly. And I sobbed, because oh God, I miss my friend. But he's passed on and is happy because that is what he deserves. A life not without pain in all forms, sometimes a broken boy who could play like a restored cherub. I loved him, because he was cute, he was my brother's friend, he was a fine musician, who would make cheeky phone calls the content of which I cannot divulge, but also the content of which still makes me smile. We ate endless tortellini, spent endless evenings which turned into nights discussing and laughing ourselves silly about stuff which I will not divulge either. And although I tried to be the best I could be as a friend, I miss him. I would kill for another cheeky late-night phone call, a text asking me to pick him up from somewhere... I can't pick him up anymore, because he finally picked himself up and walked alone. And I miss him more. Because my friend didn't go the easy way either. It seems his life was like that, so full of strife and dire straits...
He's in peace now, although I'm so sure he's turned into a cheeky cherub, a pain free cherub now. And I'm glad. But I'm also selfish, I wanted him to stay even if that meant pain for him. Sorry James I'm still human. And I loved you, and I'm sure you knew that because you loved me too. You were one of the few who wasn't scared when I was in my pain. Strange thing that. And I still cry and find it hard. And because I know you now understand, I dare think about all the other people who gave it rough to you. That is an understatement. I don't know how they hit their pillow. I don't know how they can breathe, eat or drink. I'm glad I wasn't ever one of them.

And you say, ''I want to thank, especially the orchestra, for this concert. They did a marvellous job. We had only one rehearsal.... '' You're thanking the orchestra? It's us who should be doing the thank yous, and yes you got it right, we only have one rehearsal.