Cake anyone?

I have always been quite mixed up by a phrase involving a cake. They say 'You want to have your cake and eat it too'. Yes of course I do. I love cake. What's the use of having cake just to look at it? That would be one of the best masochistic practises I can think about. And although I am not exactly the Marquis de Sade, I love my creature comforts too much; comforts which include eating cake when having it. But then there's another saying which perhaps makes more sense to me; You want to eat your cake and have it too.' That's better. Because you really cannot eat your cake and have it appear again by magic. That is impossible. And yet that is exactly what I want; to eat my cake and have it again, and again, and again. And I try my best, but magic isn't exactly my forte. And it would take someone better than Copperfield to work that out for me. As much as I love cake, sometimes I am so scared of eating it that I just keep a vigilant eye on it. Which doesn't make much sense either. That is also torture. And it's an endless coming and going, this cake thing.

B-I-T-C-H

For some reason, some people have called me a bitch many several times. And I have a hard time understanding it. Because I have a real bitch here at home and although she's as cute as anything, she doesn't look remotely like me. First, she has four legs and walks on all four of them. I walk on two legs because I have evolved past the Darwinian theory. Secondly she does not only have hair, but fur. I have none, I have been indeed blessed by not being hirsute at all. Thirdly, she barks and howls while I can speak a language. Fourthly, she cannot type, I can. And that's just the beginning. She's a real bitch. And I have been called in exactly the same manner... a real bitch. It has happened so many times that I think I must be an expert in bitchology and it must be so intrinsic that I am not even aware of this innate expertise. So why am I called a bitch? I have been called a bitch because I stand up to be spoken, because I am not afraid to fight for my rights and say it how it is. I have been called a bitch just because I am effortlessly good at several things. Injustice and the way I go about it has also been responsible for my being called a bitch. I do not tolerate injustice, because injustice means that some ass-hole is having a power trip over some innocent person. And innocent people deserve to be, at the very least, left alone in their own innocence, not being made into a dartboard. Do not try to stamp on me, don't even think about reducing my inner flame into a flicker... you won't succeed. And what's this myth about my having to protect other women's marriages? It was not I who said the vows, so I don't have any promises to keep. If you are very aware that your husband is a player, then do not take it out on me and call me a bitch. Because it might me that he's a dog. It is not my fault if a husband is lured away, it really means there never was a stead-fast marriage in the first place. If men want to be unfaithful then I really don't think they will go for female dogs on four legs anyway. And no, I will not protect strangers' marriages. I will protect my own marriage when I have one and I will not expect other women to protect it for me. The minute I know that my husband is a player, then he'll be in the dog house and I'll probably be called a bitch again for it. And if all of this makes me a bitch, then what can I do? I will embrace the title and will cling to it for dear life. Because BITCH might not be a bad title after all. It could mean the Beautiful, Intelligent, Thoughtful, Choosy, Hell of a woman. It's not my fault that I was born a bitch. I could never choose my genes. And if I can bite and bark at the same time.... well I'm just super talented in multi-tasking.