Claudia Lawrence

Every time the subject of the disappearance of Claudia Lawrence pops up on my Yahoo page, I feel sick. And every time there is a picture of this 35 year old chef gone missing. She is so pretty too, I wonder what type of person could have harmed her. Not because anybody should harm the less pretty ones, but she still is a pretty girl. It takes a creative girl to be a chef too, and one with balls, because it's an almost all male industry. And yet this girl haS made it. I do not want to write about her in the past because I still keep believing that she might one day turn up again alive. I do not know the girl, and yet so much of her is about me too. Police have said that parts of Claudia's life remain a mystery... now why doesn't that surprise me? They have also said she must have had a secret life and been in complicated relationships. And that doesn't surprise me either. They could have been talking about me. What 'single' 35 year old doesn't have parts of her life shrouded in secrecy? What 'single' 35 year old hasn't been in complicated relationships and kept them secret? None. You have to be the 'single' 35 year old to know exactly what that means. And it makes Claudia look bad, for nothing. Because when we girls have reached a certain age, the 'available' men are few, so we have no choice. No, we really have no choice because we are human and also driven by hormones just like men. But men are let off the hook, because it's us who are the home wreckers. Come on, we do not go about on a mission to home wreck, it just so happens that bored married men make a beeline for the pretty women who happen to be us. I will never believe one 'single' 35 year old who says she hasn't been into a complicated love triangle unless she is Santa Maria Goretti and that is because she didn't make it to 35. Not even Saint Theresa of Avila could claim an uncomplicated relationship life with all her devotions of ecstasy. That means, Claudia could have been me, or, better put, I could have been Claudia. And I feel so sorry for her dad who keeps thinking that his child could never have been doing it on the side. My dad would probably have said the same. The thing is, there is no way a parent can know all about their child's going ons. I think of Claudia a lot, and it is spine-chilling, because I thought I was having a ball, and never once considered the fact that I could have walked straight into one dangerous liaison. So Claudia perhaps had a married lover, who hasn't at our age? I hope she comes back and brings the perpetrator to shame. I know hope starts running out after 48 hours, and she has been missing since March. And she might have a secret life, but too secret not to contact her daddy? That's strange because although we might be home-wrecking we will not put our first love, our daddy, in such dire straits. And yet I still hope she is safe. Because it so could have been me.

A black Adolf

'We don't owe [the whites] nothing in South Africa...we give him 24 hours to get out of town, by sundown. That's all. If he won't get out of town by sundown, we kill everything white that ain't right in South Africa. We kill the women, we kill the children, we kill the babies. We kill the blind, we kill the crippled, we kill the crazy, we kill 'em all. We kill the faggot, we kill the lesbian—goddammit, we kill them all.'

Sometimes I find it hard to write adjectives which would raise up issues, adjectives such as black. We the girls up to no good always say, after black you won't look back, so that is supposed to be a compliment to any black person (man) out there. So black is black as white is white as obese is obese. There, that does it, I'm in the game. But I've stumbled upon a black monster today, and no it's not a monster as in the fun sexy kind of black monster. This is far from sexy. It's downright cruel. So I got an email in my Inbox, entitled the black Hitler, and I thought it would be one of those emails where you have to scroll right down to the end to get the joke. It wasn't. It directed me to YouTube. And the YouTube page popped up... and gave me one big shock. There was a black man giving one of the best delivered hatred speeches. I just stared and couldn't believe it. At one point I thought it must have been a joke, but I couldn't think of anybody having black humour like that. No, not Joe Demicoli, it just couldn't be Demicoli spitting out hatred like that. Demicoli, above all, is a good man. This one was a far cry from Demicoli. This one was a reincarnation of Adolf Hitler, but black and so bad that I could only stand 1 minute and 19 seconds of his speech. Something in me wanted to shut him up so badly that I ended up closing all open windows, including harmless Face Book, harmless Email, harmless everything. Because next to this guy, everything is harmless, even the most hateful of porn. Talk about sowing hatred, this man was a pro. Our Normal Lowell is just a beginner next to him. He makes him and his Imperium Europa look like saints. What was it he said that made me flip? Everything. Everything about him was bad, too bad to be true. And yet it is true. Some people could argue that Adolf was mentally ill. Which would be fine by me, but mentally ill people do not go on a massive killing spree like him. And mentally ill people do not spit out hatred like this black Hitler. And what made me want to close the windows to this Dr. Khalid Abdul Muhammad? The fact that he started mimicking crippled people and laughing his head off. He's dead now, a hateful man who thought he stood up above the rest, and I'm so glad. He died of a brain aneurysm and I hope he suffered. I also hope he rots in hell. I don't know if Khalid had an Eva Brown. I like to think not. Because it's too sad that this was happening in my day and age, and I hope no woman contributed to the hatred. Fingers crossed.

Hirsute anyone?

A very dear friend of mine thinks hirsute men are the best. Because it makes them really manly sort of thing. Which came to me as a surprise, because in the E.U. millions are being spent by men on waxing, laser treatments, shaving, you name it, it's there. The thing is, I never thought about it very much before she mentioned it. I do not expect a men's chest to resemble mine (God forbid), but I do not want to be digging into a forest. And neither does she. I thought it was odd, she is a woman with high expectations, I misunderstood her furry love. The thing is, plenty of straight men are still waxing it all off, something which I never quite understood, but was always reluctant to talk about seeing the peer pressure of the hairless man being in demand. I pity the really hairy chested men, they will be ogled at on the beach just like if it were me going on the beach in my birthday suit. Same thing. What the hell sort of thing. I can cope with a few hairs here and there, but not with an aboriginal bush. Sorry guys, we've been waxing our legs for so long that they're now completely hairless, and yes it's painful, but off you go. The problem is some men will still not go. They think their chest is sexy, and although it's odd, for some people it is. Perhaps we suddenly become old fashioned and like a man in a shirt with his hairy chest on show. They are the ones who walk with a swagger thinking the world is at their feet. Which is not a very good personality trait when it comes to relationships. But perhaps down there, in some of us, we want to be taken care of, because we take care of too many things in life already. So we can let our hair (the head hair) down and relax. Because suddenly hair becomes the synonym of 'we're spoken for'. So much for all that bra burning.

Parenting

I have a hard time with mothers who think that once their baby is 18 years old then they are not mothers anymore. It's as if they've done their time and now who the hell cares? And although I keep not wanting to become another Mrs. Chetcuti, I think that is exactly what I'm becoming. Oh well Mrs. Chetcuti goes to church and stuff, and probably will be remembered for her good behaviour, but I am allowed to be a little different. If I had to undergo surgery, of whatever kind, even the subtlest of surgeries, she would be by my side, and no security would kick her out. Fat chance. She is a small woman, but will stand up to her motherly duties like a giant. Same goes for my dad. His baby, albeit a 36 year old baby, alone for surgery? Oh no, there is no way that is happening, even if he has to pay the fine for trespassing. My parents are built in a way, the way which is called, you-are-a-parent-for-life. I thought it was the only way parents travelled, but it seems it's not. And it's not just my parents, it's also Mr. Arani Issa who would be ready to break in illegally not to leave his sister alone. Me having surgery would mean me and my folks. They would want to be there, I wouldn't even need to ask, it would be obvious. I think it would be a big battle to keep them away actually. Because they believe that once a parent, always a parent. Then why aren't other parents the same? I am disgusted at the way my Mister's parents behave. They did not only not bother to turn up, but expected me to call to inform them how their baby son was doing. True their baby son is 37, but what the hell? It's been like this since day one. I just had to rise up to the occasion of the looking after, which doesn't bother me at all. But hey, a little help? It's ok really because I am now used to it, and love doesn't keep score. I also know that Mister would do the same and more, so of course there are no hard feelings about it, that is where he is concerned. I do have the hardest of feelings for selfish parents who do not even deserve to be called that. And selfish siblings too. And my mum thinks she has been a failure and I used to think my family was dysfunctional. Perhaps I'd better start going to church myself because I cannot thank God enough for placing me with MaryAnn and Joe. And Joseph. I will never figure out why I had such a good start in life. Luck perhaps? But I am not complaining. What I am complaining about are four other people who have not deserved to have their baby son in their life. Sometimes it's really a case of pearls before swine. The pigs.