All Mine

I've been good today. I've finally broken my oversleeping pattern, just when four days of holidays are around the corner, four days which I could spend sleeping in limbo. But I just thought if little people were going to be allowed make-up, then so was I. So I wore the paint, dressed finely for the first time in weeks, heels and all. And I just froze to death. Glamour doesn't go with human body temperatures. I'd have loved to go shopping, but I just couldn't take the cold anymore. I was at a point where I didn't know where my butt was. And that is a big statement, which means it's really cold if my butt just became numb and frozen. I just had to head home. I'm now wearing two pairs of socks, woolen pants, two woolen tops in the hope of defrosting. It's not glamorous by any means, although if someone had to take a head shot it would look nice. But that's all. And I'm happy to trade glamour for anything if it means I have at least some warm comfort. Maybe I got kicked out by the Gods from under my duvet way too early this morning. It's change, something which is as foreign as the Chinese language to me. I hate changing my coffee mug because the coffee doesn't taste as good, I hate changing my place at the table because the food tastes funny. It's a whole list of commandments. Thou shalt not sit on my computer chair because it's mine. Thou shalt not drive my car because it's mine. Thou shalt not sleep in my bed because it's mine. Now I realise this is a very possessive part of me which I never knew I had and which could easily qualify for OCD. It's all mine, and I don't want to share. It's not very Christian-like either. What's worse is that its making me think of my mother and the more I have struggled to be her opposite, the more it seems I'm becoming like her and her ways. Not as in her size of course. It would take me the 7 years of famine to perhaps come close to her size. And then there would be the 7 years of abundance for me to put it all again. The yo-yo. I haven't seen one around in ages, except for the big one in my life. And it's weird because y0-yo's were a big part of Carnival in my day and age which seems so long ago. Did they die a slow painful death or did they all take a secret massive decision to incorporate themselves into my life and become all mine? That's so cheeky of them.