Beck?

Ok that's me settled. Whatever it was, I've slept it all off, and it's a brand new spanking girl writing now. Although still feeling weak, I started the morning off with something which made me smile. This Facebook thing is an awesome thing. You get to meet the people you liked and haven't met for 20 years, you get to meet new people who become your friends, and you also get to me funny, ridiculous people who think a lot of themselves but are just blown up with hot air. I wonder where they get their hot air from. But it's so funny! What is funnier is that they have regular columns in newspapers, think they are cool, write in what they think is tongue in cheek, when it really is all about tongue being stuck out in rudeness. And that makes it all the more funny. Think of a pompous old ass who thinks he's so bright and clever. The same ass who wants to drive a point home with me, the point being something he invented in the first place. And what do I do? Fuel his tongue (and old one too) and mind (the little he has of it) and never answer. And it makes him all the more heated, temperamentally heated of course. It's such a laugh. It's so nice having the upper hand with people who think they are really God's gift to human kind. As for his newspaper contributions... well, seriously, my bloggings would put them to shame, crush them in seconds. His musings are after all his penis extensions. But I don't want him to know, so he can continue making a fool of himself and his heavy breakfasts and keep giving me a jolly good old laugh. Because if someone's back, I have been there before.

Still hung up

Good very early morning. Extremely early too. I have woken up to a very strange world, that of half six in the morning. I haven't seen this side of the world for many years. And I haven't been very glad to see it now. What a hell of a night. In the very hellish sense. So I said we were out to dinner. Of course, we did go out, park, then I just felt sick, very sick. Something like big evening sickness. So it was back here with a couple more stops for obvious reasons. Being sick doesn't come in single file for me. I hope I never have to feel that sick for a long time. I thought I'd sleep it off, but I just didn't. Kept getting up rushing to the loo and stuff. I have always wondered how bulimics live, it just cannot be a comfortable life. And it doesn't feel any better either. Another and.... this time I've done nothing to displease the Gods? So Why? I'm not sure why. I am only sure that perhaps it's a tough one for me to handle seeing people in pain and feel so helpless. Now I wish I hadn't chosen such a date for an appointment. Very selfish I know, but being this sick isn't helping anybody. At 35, I've been round the block quite a few times, the block of mental health. But yesterday just threw me back so many years. I am not quite sure whether it was because I looked straight into the eyes of a very sick woman. Mad perhaps, but I hate that kind of madness. I like the shoe-shopping kind of madness, the diamond kind too. But that's about it. But what really clinched it was one sentence coming from a man who should have known better. I said, she was crying poor thing. He said, u iwa loads of people cry. And that shocked me more than anything. And no of course it wasn't my Mister, he was shocked too. How can I not feel for someone in terrible pain? I cannot, this man could. Big shame on him, he should have known much much better. And I can take although never understand the mind of a girl living in a totally different world, and yes I know a psychotic mind creates twisted versions of truths and untruths, but that was totally out of order. Even if coming out of a dominant's person mouth. Because dominance and medicine do not mix well.