The Brain and other matters

So I am once again looking for answers. Scientific answers as to why and how I act the way I do. My Limbic System is in need of a big overhaul. I think my Hypothalamus is dead. The Frontal Lobe of my Cerebral cortex probably got lost along the way of adult development. My reticular formation is in hibernation. My Occipital Lobe may be working overtime, sometimes it works in the opposite direction it is supposed to. My Cerebellum needs a facilitator, and my Temporal Lobe... perhaps that;s the only one in check.

And with all this information I still don't have any answers. I wonder why the brain is called grey matter, I don't think it's grey, I really think it's very colourful, it's got red, green, blue and of course it must have pink in it because I am female. Maybe now I understand that the brain has a direct connection to the heart too. They are not separate organs. If you cry it's not just because you are heart broken but also because the Hypothalamus and the Cerebral Cortex are working overtime too.

So now let's put all this medical jargon in lay man's terms, the way I understand it. It is all about perceptions, all about how messages somehow get processed in the brain, whichever part that may be. I perceive a cat to be a fluffy ball of love, and I perceive a roach to be disgusting. I perceive that my sadness is as intense as my joy. I also perceive that somewhere along the line of self perception some things have to change. And I thank my brain for that. And God.

In the middle of the day

I don't feel well today. Too many issues. I try to explain, it's useless. So I just remove myself from the situation. I'm so sleepy and maybe it's a good idea to sleep things off. I want to wake up in a world where I don't have a mortgage, where I don't have to work, where I can just be.Fat chance of that happening. I think I'd even trade what I do to be a stay at home mum, although I'm not sure I could do that properly. Sometimes it feels like Freddie Mercury's, I'm going slightly mad. But at leas slightly. But it's the world I see as mad and not myself. I really don't know but it's just not a good day today. Apologies

In the middle of the night

It's in the middle of the night (reminiscent of some Tweenie song of the monster who comes in the middle of the night) and of course I'm awake. The rest of the world may sleep but I still have to come here to feng shui myself first.

Normal day spent so much many on normal things, pet food, detergents, perishables, boring things which have to be done once in a while. Slept the afternoon away, woke up, showered and went to my friend Teresa. And dad had to wreck it for me. I feel like a tiny child with him checking constantly on me. If he keeps checking cars like he does, one day he'll get arrested then maybe he'll think twice about it. Anyway went back to my mum, blazing row, walked out, could not believe it dad was back to check and demanded I open for him to check indoors. Yeah right, dream on. As if I am having an open house at midnight. My house is the only place where I find normality restored, nobody's going to get used to the habit of checking things out in here. If I decide I want nail polish strewn all over the kitchen table, well it's my life, my house. my table and my nail varnish. And allowing parents to check things out once will be just the beginning of another and another. No, not good, no way it's happening.

Heard quite a few hurtful things today. Seems that I have been ruining my parents lives for the last 18 years. Thing is my opinion is they have been ruining my life for the last 18 years too. But I had no say in being born. They on the other hand, had a say, did their say so now they have to live with their say. So sorry mum and dad but maybe you should have waited a day or two, then you'd have been blessed with a daughter of different genetic marking.

Love... I have to face the truth. Sometimes you love someone until it hurts only to find out that the other someone loves you for all the times you fill him in in his times of distress. Blood thicker than water, maybe, but not thicker than Nigel it seems. His loss not mine.

My friend Teresa seems to think my biological clock is ticking. Why I don't know. I do not want marriage, kids and companionship. I'm so much better off on my own doing whatever I want. And I'm not all as lonely as it seems either. I have my other half to talk to, argue with, share jokes with, agree and disagree with. After all isn't marriage the coming together of two souls, where two souls, two hearts, two brains and two human beings become one... so I have my own marriage no problem. The only thing is should one of us want to opt out, we will not be needing lawyers, so Dr. Joseph Chetcuti is not getting any richer there.

It's still in the middle of the night and when I look up from my keyboard I see Freud, Jung, Bleuler, old medicinal chronicles, enough medical samples to feed Christ's 5000, and best of all I see my beloved Goya's Naked Maya. I am told I am of big resemblance to this Maya.... I suppose it's just a polite compliment, but still I think Maya is a sexy babe so I won't argue. It of course all depends from the perception one sees it. Perceptions perceptions, it's all about that nowadays.

Anyway finally getting sleepy. Tomorrow is another day, I have an idea of what's in store but it can't be helped. I'll survive anyway.