Pandora

Still not right but somehow when you've been not quite right for a couple of hours that becomes normality and you start getting used to the feeling. That doesn't mean it becomes less intense, but perhaps so do the human coping skills. Or not. It all depends. My coping skills include visiting shopping sites over the web, hitting eBay and just looking at stuff. Just looking, and I'm one to have been born to shop. But then I don't even have the energy for it. Which is serious, because shopping usually brightens up my day or night. I feel just like Pandora with this box given to me by Zeus and instructed not to open it. But there's a twist, I have also been blessed with the gift of curiosity so of course I've opened it anyway. And now I pay the price. I've unleashed all the burdens in that box tonight and it feels so heavy and oppressive and dark. No I have not opened the box out of malice, but out of curiosity which doesn't just kill the cat but me in the process. And I'd rather it killed me anyway because I love my cats too much. But then, even Prometheus got curious and enthralled by the secret of fire. It was all Zeus' idea to create Pandora as a punishment for mankind. Then, is that the reason why I look up to a human Zeus? Which becomes even more cryptic; because if Pandora was blessed with the gift of seduction, then is the art of seduction a punishment to man? Seduction is part and parcel of every day life, without it the human race would come to a halt. But perhaps I opened my box too early on in life, too much escaped from my box too fast. And yet, the sun will come out, because if all the laborious evil has been experienced, there's only one thing left at the very bottom of my box... hope.

Not right

I am trying to write. I have been staring at my blog with Joe Demicoli in the background, because I don't want to listen to the sad songs I like so much. Sad songs make me cry, and sometimes I like crying. But I don't want to cry today. I feel I have to be strong, for other people, for myself, for my cats, yes it might sound funny, but cats know, at least mine just do. They come up to me blinking and miaowing, their way of asking, hey are you all right? And I try to blink back as if to tell them, sure, don't worry about me, I'm fine. But I'm not fine, the cats know it, I know it. So I keep listening to Demicoli's version of I Will Survive which stops the tears even forming. What is turning me into a helpless woman like this? I don't really know and this time it's no PMS. PMS is nice to blame everything on, but it still doesn't make me feel better. Perhaps I'm tired and I just want to not take care of anything anymore. Talk about hitting the roof. I'm hitting the core of the earth right now, and it doesn't feel right. Yes I know it's supposed to be fiery and red, all the things I usually am, and yet it doesn't even have a colour, not even in black in white. Joe Demicoli's I will Survive takes place at Mater Dei, and he's looking at the cleavage of this nurse. At the same time he says that anybody wanting him wiped out (pun intended) is not going to get his wish. Strange, all bundled into one stanza. And yet it makes sense. At least he has the energy to fight. I don't even have that tonight. I'm just doing a lot of looking, a lot of staring and it becomes terribly complicated because sometimes lovers are difficult to double as shrinks. Yet I still need his glance now and again because it stops me from bashing myself about. Perhaps I'm a wimp. And perhaps it'll be all right by morning, but morning is way too far for me to wait.

Banana Republic

It's a Tuesday evening, one of my favourite days and times of the week. Because Tuesday evenings I get to listen to the radio and laugh. Sound sans picture is a wonderful thing. Perhaps it's because when one sense gets taken away, the other concentrates better. And of course I love a laugh. But the one thing which makes me really really smile is how two presenters go off on each other... and make it work. Brilliant job. Another smiley thing is the sound of their laughs, it is so reassuring to know (because it's got to be so) that a married couple can laugh like that and transmit their sense of fun without a picture to watch. Joe Demicoli always does it for me. Don't keep asking why. And I'm not sure it would work as well without his Sonia. Don't keep asking why. They just make me tick. And here I'm having the time of my life.... till 10pm. Bliss.