Crying

So I cried. And I'm not sure why. Funerals have never been my scene at all. There was a time when I went off them altogether. And I apologise to the ones I didn't pay my respects to. But I reasoned, why get myself in a state, when they were in a different state anyway? But then there was *the* one I had to go to, and it was surreal. I was at the funeral watching everything and blocking everything. I saw people cry and thought, so what? I've cried enough, I'm sorry but let them cry if they want to. I thought I'd become the seasoned warrior, never afraid of battle. I couldn't have been more wrong. Today was just like any other day, I cannot say I was looking forward to a funeral. Who does anyway? But it was ok, I didn't even know the man. I didn't even know if it was a man or a woman. I just don't know what happened. Somehow something somewhere there was an energy, perhaps a spirit. And it drained me and all my energies out. So I did the girly thing, and cried. I cried for the past. And I cried for the future. But not for the present. And no, although I've thought about it, it wasn't just an excuse to have a good old cry. I could have done that with my cats, they seem to think that when I cry they have to give me a lot of attention. As it was I hid behind my sunglasses. Coward.