It's just dawned on me suddenly, like something in my system has remembered James. Now I know why. It will be two years since he's passed on on the 11th. I still feel numb writing this. So many memories, some good, some bad, but still steadfast friendship memories. And no I don't think that James suddenly turned a saint because he died. But I think he was an awesome friend, just too lonely, hence him being at my kitchen table a lot and a lot of times. I didn't mind, we would talk, I would cook something up. Our talk... it would be mainly things which are probably censored on blogs, but at the end of it all it was just him asking so many questions about life, then suddenly going to the facts of life with a vengeance. James , oh God we go a long way back, so long. And now I feel allowed to say it, I remember James so tenderly, but am so angry at his native 'fellows'. Ok so James was not easy, although he could be as meek as a lamb, he just needed attention and tried to get it some way. He was also a brilliant musician, one who we Maltese suddenly started revering after he'd gone. All his life in Malta, it was filled with arguments and people giving him the end of the stick. Three months in Brisbane, and the guy, riddled with cancer, was performing non stop. Good for you my friend. So many people stood open mouthed and so envious. If only you could have seen those faces, you naughty bugger would have had a ball just like I did. We were naughty, because we were made to be. When everyone else was inside our business, so we made it a point to gossip and be into theirs. And I watch my kitchen table were you used to sit and pine for just a brief moment with you. You were one of the few who were never scared away by my suffering, maybe because you'd gone through suffering enough. You knew just how dirty things here could get. I know you said you never wanted a funeral, but you got one just the same. Maybe now you realise that funerals are not for people who have passed onto another dimension like you, but for our closure, if there ever will be a closure. Maybe you were born in Malta, but you made sure you were going to pass on away from all 'those' people. You know exactly what I mean.
But I miss you my friend, even if we laughed through so many mad times, and cried through the hurtful ones. Gave people so much hassle with our antics and we were so proud of it! I am still battling James, yours is over. If only, no, please give me a sign. You loved me here, a dear dear friend, so you should care for me still. You asked me so much about my fears, my traumatic events, and how I managed to cope. Well I did, but you're not here now to ask anymore. You have all the answers. We were obsessed with music weren't we, I guess you're still that way wherever you are. Sarasate must be a piece of cake for you now my friend, fingerings- a way of life.
So missing you like hell here, please remember me, watch over me. You know the battle first handedly. I ask you to help me across this journey, and with your cheeky dimples, I know you'll never say no ... not to me!
But I miss you my friend, even if we laughed through so many mad times, and cried through the hurtful ones. Gave people so much hassle with our antics and we were so proud of it! I am still battling James, yours is over. If only, no, please give me a sign. You loved me here, a dear dear friend, so you should care for me still. You asked me so much about my fears, my traumatic events, and how I managed to cope. Well I did, but you're not here now to ask anymore. You have all the answers. We were obsessed with music weren't we, I guess you're still that way wherever you are. Sarasate must be a piece of cake for you now my friend, fingerings- a way of life.
So missing you like hell here, please remember me, watch over me. You know the battle first handedly. I ask you to help me across this journey, and with your cheeky dimples, I know you'll never say no ... not to me!
