Broken vow

Sometimes I'm just flitting along YouTube and hearing random songs. Then once in a blue moon I'm hit with the sweetest melody which makes me stop in my tracks. And I listen, and go on a listening marathon. Broken vow. All about love gone wrong, betrayal, and poignant forgiveness. Or perhaps the forgiveness that comes out of helplessness. There must be a million love songs out there and I must have listened to half of that million on Saturday nights when I was recovering from yet another failed love story. Sometimes I think that if I had to do it all again I'd do it all so different. I would never fall in love. In lust, in cheeky lust, plenty of that. But no love. It's something of the same thing happening in Pretty Woman, where Julia Roberts can get down and dirty but does not kiss. Because kissing is probably the precursor of love. I thought it so strange back then. Now I understand. I'm not much of a kisser and I'm being very truthful. Perhaps because once you've seen Pretty Woman you're never the same again. Perhaps without even knowing all the bumps and knocks made me realise that kissing is way too dangerous. I still cringe if someone comes too close, except for very few exceptions. I can kiss my brother tightly and it feels like the most natural thing in the world. I can kiss my adoptive sister tightly and it also feels natural. I think that's about it. Of course I do not snog them, please don't get any ideas. This is not a sexy post, it's about love, yes, but not of the sexy kind. Sex and love do not go together, at least in the vast majority of my relationships with other people. Perhaps it's the fear of betrayal, maybe I'm done with asking why, there really is more to love than bitterness and lies... and I'm letting go... finally.