I've woken up to dreary-looking skies, and rain. This not typical June weather, it should be hot, we should be grumbling beause of the heat, but not today. Well, I suppose we really can afford one rainy day, seeing we're about to get lots of hot ones. I don't like the heat anyway, it interferes with make-up and that's a bit price to pay. I'm 33 and I think I now need the make up, 33 seems so old sometimes, as if the clock's ticking, well it isn't ticking for what it's supposed to be ticking, but 33 is a lot considering I'm just 16 on the inside. I haven't grown up, I doubt I ever will.
Anyway back to here, or the age thing will get me carried away. I had a rough night, now I discover I have a cold. Perfect. Grrrrrrrr!!!!! But still, I don't feel sad today, not at all. The skies might be grey, but I'm anything but. The world's one big mad blue marble though, I know there are people out there for whom this is a difficult day. The aunt of my cousins passed away from the big CA and the funeral's to be held today. I really think of how they're going to feel, probably not very well. Funerals, I hate funerals. I suppose nobody likes them, but every time I attend one, it feels unreal, as if I am seeing everything from some place but not actually in it. I also suppose they're the thing us human beings need as closure, it really doesn't do anything for the dead. But this dying thing is so final. I hate it. This perishing to nothingness, thank God for the after-life belief. True or not, I choose to believe in it, because it makes the grief bearable, the mourning easier.
So today my prayers go to this special family, for them to be able to go through this. I'm not usually very religious, but surely God will make it a little bit easier for them. Death has struck and it's never a good thing. And it's never a good thing when it strikes me either, I don't know how to deal with it. So maybe the skies are weeping too, as W.H. Auden says in his Funeral Blues....... The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods; For nothing now can ever come to any good.
AnnMarie
Anyway back to here, or the age thing will get me carried away. I had a rough night, now I discover I have a cold. Perfect. Grrrrrrrr!!!!! But still, I don't feel sad today, not at all. The skies might be grey, but I'm anything but. The world's one big mad blue marble though, I know there are people out there for whom this is a difficult day. The aunt of my cousins passed away from the big CA and the funeral's to be held today. I really think of how they're going to feel, probably not very well. Funerals, I hate funerals. I suppose nobody likes them, but every time I attend one, it feels unreal, as if I am seeing everything from some place but not actually in it. I also suppose they're the thing us human beings need as closure, it really doesn't do anything for the dead. But this dying thing is so final. I hate it. This perishing to nothingness, thank God for the after-life belief. True or not, I choose to believe in it, because it makes the grief bearable, the mourning easier.
So today my prayers go to this special family, for them to be able to go through this. I'm not usually very religious, but surely God will make it a little bit easier for them. Death has struck and it's never a good thing. And it's never a good thing when it strikes me either, I don't know how to deal with it. So maybe the skies are weeping too, as W.H. Auden says in his Funeral Blues....... The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods; For nothing now can ever come to any good.
AnnMarie
