Male or female?

Ok one more. Is it better to be a woman then a man? Men don't have to worry about leering bosses and PMS and water retention. Men can be guys in the boardroom as well as in the pub. But then men have to brave the world with the face life's given them. Dark Circles? Nothing some Touch Eclat can't hide. A spot breakout, with the right concealer, all that is covered up in a snap. And we also have eye shadows, eyeliners, lipsticks and glosses to enhance the good features. Men get.. nothing. We can blow a whole month's salary on one pair of shoes... because we're women. We get lovely presents, diamond earrings, designer perfumes, La Senza undies. Men get briefs with some silly message, socks, driving gloves and aftershave. If we need something fixed in the house, we waltz our eyelashes at the next available man, boyfriend, husband, dad because we can pretend that we don't know how to do it and that's because we're female (and also because we will not, for any reason whatsoever, put our nicely manicure nails in danger) poor us souls. If we want to furnish our house in pink, tassels everywhere and have a four poster, then it's ok. If it's a man having all that, then he's gay. If we go to a black tie-do, our partner knows there will be 300 other men in the same outfit. We, on the other hand have the choice of the whole colour palette in versions of silk, cashmere, velvet... the list goes on. There will also be 300 pairs of the same shoes, we, on the other hand, will get attention from females within a 50 km radius because our feet are wearing Gucci. If we're not good at sports, it's because we're feminine and helpless while a boy is just a wimp. We can cry openly at weddings, funerals and movies because we're girls. A man has to bottle all that up. And if we have 'accidentally' parked on the double yellow line in front of a shoe shop, somehow we explain that we just had to park for a 'need' and use our persuasion skills unashamedly to get out of it. So are we better off being women? You bet we are!

The bugs

I have just time for one blog entry today. Sorry guys, it's Nigel night and it's just like a girlie evening in when we get to talk and gossip (not in the wrong kind of way) and bitch (in the wrong kind of way) about everything. This week of course, it's the Eurovision Song Contest module. My hair isn't orange anymore, but I have been made to hold and hold and hold all different types of human hair which come on a leash. At least that is what Nigel's extensions look like. I have held curly hair, straight hair, wavy hair, long hair, short hair, and waited like an idiot with my hands spread wife, waiting for him to tease them into a whole lot of different styles. I think this year it's the human hair extensions Eurovision Song Contest. Geeze, all that hair. But it's ok, because I didn't get to hold hair which is better than mine. Yep, mine's the longest, the silkiest. Mine's the bomb. Although you wouldn't think so when I wear it constantly up for work. There is a reason for that; my out of this world fear of bugs. Bugs don't usually scare me, but not the ones who live in hair. Parasites, they suck blood out of us, do they think our heads are a five star restaurant or what? Can't they make do with Mc Donald's? No, they want silver service, mean old bugs. I hate them. And just the thought of them makes me itch. What's worse is that every time little people heads are checked for the mean old parasites I start thinking they've just stopped at my place for a bite. Then I go into blind panic, start scratching my head as if there were no tomorrow and call Nigel urgently, just for him to laugh himself silly. Because, apparently, Nigel, God of hair and heads has divulged the secret that these bugs stay away from dyed hair because they cannot stand the smell and they cannot penetrate the hair shaft. Oh dear this is like some sex thing, penetrate, shaft.. but then these bugs have sex like rabbits . Madonna what a thought, bugs actually having sex in my head, madonna how messy, how disgusting. And do they use rubbers, and if they do, where do they flush them away, down the human ear? And if they don't use rubbers, what happens with the you know what, is it moulded into some kind of paste so it looks like hair wax? And do they have Kamasutra positions? Or is it just one missionary style? I'm not sure bugs would behave like dogs. Ok now I'm going to dye my hair incessantly. If that is all it takes to keep the bugs at bay. Horrible bugs and their horrid wicked copulating ways.