Goose

I am so very fed up by this Internet problem which ISP's seem to have encountered. It is keeping me away from my blog. And my blog is therapy. I tried writing on a Word Document, but it just isn't the same. And I am so very tired of ISP's who send a pre-invoice a month before it's actually due, yet tell us that they hope we understand. Would they have understood had I decided to pay half the amount? It's a two-way thing isn't it? So perhaps when my next Internet renewal is due I'll try sending them an email and thank them for their total co-operation and understanding beforehand. That's what they did, and they didn't need to thank me for my understanding, because no, I don't, and I don't want to understand. As for co-operation, it's Hobson's choice. Let's see if what is good for them geese is as good for me the goose.

AA?

The mad rush to Christmas has begun. Everyone's becoming terribly impatient at checkouts, it's one mad mad rush. It is usually a mad rush for me too, but this time it's different. I know what I'd put first on Santa's list. I'd actually settle for the one. I've grown out of wishing I could fit into a size 8 bikini. I used to fit anyway, so it's a been there, done that. I also wished I could ride on a broomstick and take myself wherever. But I could never ride a broomstick anyway, and I like my creature comforts too much. During one particular year I just asked for a companion to live because I thought love could conquer illness, but it never happened because love can go a long way but it doesn't cure people. Every year I pray that my twin will be with me for the next year because I am secretly scared he'll be the first to go, don't know why, but it's scary. I also wish my cats and dogs stay healthy, because I do not deal with people and animals crossing over very well. And this year I have one wish. Perhaps someone reading this will have a heart or some sense. People procreate, but for some of us it does not come easy. It could be a blow, but there come the two always valid options. I could just sit on my sofa with a blanket, a tin of Quality Street and tons of tobacco. Or I could brave it out. I am actually braving it out. I'm up and about and trying to create something out of the nothing, because hello there, if there is AA then maybe someone ought to create a support group for those who are challenged in the reproductive area. It's easy to get bitter sometimes, but bitterness does nothing good. Whatever happens in life happens for a reason. I found the reason. I just wish it could have been found before. Christmas would have been such a nice time to start it. I won't back out, because I do not back off when convinced that something is for the best. I'll just pray for extra strength and hope, and for all the beautiful things in the world for a very special child.

Procrastination

I am procrastinating. The contents of the top shelf of my wardrobe came all tumbling down on me. And I suddenly got so disgruntled, I just shoved the things back in. Had my mother seen this happening, I’d probably added some ten more years to her age. Her wardrobes are always in tip top condition. I’ve given up on asking why I cannot be like her and instead accepted the fact that we are two totally different individuals.

What consoles me is that at my age my mother was married with two kids, and because of that she was a stay-at-home mum. So that means she had endless time which she tried to kill probably by obsessing about neat and perfect. You see gals like me nowadays have to earn a living, so I have little time, at least for household things. I just think they’re a complete waste of time, and I’m one miserable failure when it comes to having my house dust free. And I really don’t mind it at all; probably that’s the saddest thing of all. But would anyone prefer to dust then go shopping? No, I thought so. Me neither.

Well I’ve typed this out, stopped and smoked a couple of cigarettes while staring into space. It’s not that I have a writer’s block. That never happens because I spend a lot of time on my own so I have learnt to amuse myself, and that includes mentally talking to myself too. And no it’s not the little voices you hear from being schizoid. It’s because once you’re on your own, then you start to entertain yourself, and the habit is hard to kick. I’m just waiting for internet activation, and right now am in world wide web withdrawal.