The Big Boss

No it's not some Mafia boss. Do I really look as if I could pass for the Sicilian wife of a Mafia boss who would have to be constantly on demand lest her Mafia husband decides to show up with his mates for spaghetti and risk getting shot in the head for not making it all al dente? Certainly not. If that were the case, then I'd throw all Mafia practise in terror, by becoming the boss myself. But I do not care for Mafia. It's all so wrong an twisted, and no, I do not like blood and gore. In that respect, I'm a good girl and I can say it out loud without any trepidation. Back to the Big Boss. I can understand perfectly well why they call it Big, but not why they call it the Boss. Isn't a boss supposed to take charge of everything. And in all truth, isn't something called the Big Boss supposed to evoke some bad feeling, fear, terror, disgust perhaps? Not this time. It comes in a discreetly brown-paper wrapped package, is delivered to your door, home or office by a very nonthreatening looking man. And once you've torn away at the brown paper (how boring), suddenly big comes in a new perspective. Statistics.... 23 cm by a 6 cm. It says it is a real life replica, with throbbing veins and has multi speed variations. Cool. It doesn't fart in bed, it doesn't snore, it certainly is there at one's pleasure. This Big Boss is a real gentleman, it does not expect you to part the bush to find something similar, while flossing your teeth in the process. It doesn't mind if you've got an imaginary headache either. It really and truly doesn't mind. Because by that you will be contributing to the environmental good, less power and energy, less Duracell, less green house effect, more ozone layer preservation. It's also good for the health. It doesn't make you gag, or swallow, it's virgin-guaranteed with no STD risk, or pregnancy risk. And you don't even have to rub a man's ego after that by telling (fibbing) that he's the best you ever had. One thing, he's no boss. But as we women all do with men, we let them think they're boss. Highly recommended. Use with caution, because after that you might really never look back....