Flowers and Candles

I am back and yes it works, whatever the bottle says it's true. I have classic magazine hair. No I'm not telling which brand this is, because I'm a selfish spoilt brat and I don't share. I'm not sharing my hair treatment, which would only be available by copious amounts of products in a very expensive hair salon. I got this for a tiny amount out of the bottle which only costs a little less than 5 Euro. Look for it yourself. I've been through products like water, and at 35 I discover that it needn't cost the earth. I wish I'd known before, I would have been able to pay my car licence easily by now. But what can I do, I wouldn't be very good at being a financial controller although at the same time I make the economy boom. Oh and the smell, it's heavenly, I smell just as if I've spent a week in the Caribbean sipping the sun and non alcoholic cocktails all day. And I still got change out of a 5 Euro note. It's making me feel so smug. But then again, I remember, it's a little bit than an hour to go, and I'll be safely out of territorial sadness waters. Come one second after midnight I'll be all right. I know, I know one second shouldn't make that big a difference, but alas, it does. So here I am, with red carpet-style hair, an old sweater and jogger pants. I have just an hour to ramble on some more. Sometimes we experience big events in life. We get married, we have babies, all big turning points because they turn our lives around. I suppose, in a happy way. I don't know, I wouldn't know. And very very rarely we experience other 'event's in life which are breath-taking, life changing and not in a happy way. And we live the experience because we have no choice. It's happened to me, and I've always wondered, why me? Do I need feng shui, is it karma, is it me being very stupid, and is it me thinking that love changed everything? That much is true, love changes everything, sometimes not in a good way. It's not about cheating partners, that is so easy to face. It's not like the first kiss turned wrong because I absolutely had no idea how to do it right (I know now). It's not as if a love of my life being brazen enough to go off with my best friend. That is nothing. It's about a big big love, a happy happy life, joyful joyful years, when suddenly something or someone presses Delete with massive vengeance. And suddenly it's gone all dark and not because Enemalta has done some silly trick. So you try the cell phone a million times because the only way to hear that big love is through his answering machine which is not even there anymore after a few days. And it's about carefully sealing his pillow in plastic for his smell not to go away. And about looking at his possessions in dismay, about sifting through his clothes and throwing them all away. And about poignantly looking at the freshly laundered clothes which will be worn no more. About not being able to breathe anymore because you don't think you can go on. And about flowers, because the only way to say something is to really say it with flowers. So many flowers arranged in an array of all sorts. And about lighting candles. Until finally it's time to buy yourself an orchid and light a candle for yourself. And there's no more cold marble, because the sun is finally out and you owe it to yourself to slowly go back to the amazing thing called life. And you find that flowers are suddenly pretty, and candles do not flicker anymore, but instead start glowing. And the sun is warm, and suddenly life is beckoning once more. And everything becomes alive. Because life is for living.