The Axe

I finally went to bed extra late yesterday, and woke up spankingly early. Now I know how my other colleagues are always all dolled up. If they manage to wake up at 7am every day, then they have a whole hour to prettify themselves. The thing it, I was once like that too, worse than that. I'd be wearing a whole mask. I did this for years. Until one day my cat was ill so I had to rush it to the vet and then go to work afterwards. And one colleague of that time actually was flabbergasted at the difference, he had the audacity to ask where my lips had gone!!! I just told him the tooth fairy had rubbed them off. He didn't take the joke, he was so concerned, so sure that my lips were once collagen based and that the collagen had gone off overnight. Oh dear, how wrong. There is never collagen, it just takes some artistry to create what's not there and to make it look natural. But it takes time, and although I could seriously open shop with the amount of sealed cosmetics I have, I don't seem to have the time in the morning. Evenings would be a better time but then it's not as if I'm out partying every day. And since my cats do not see any difference, as does my PC monitor, well, I couldn't be bothered. Of course there's the man of the house, but really, is it at all feasible to waste an hour dolling up just because there is a man in the house? An old colleague of mine would be just in sweats and pants, that is until the clock turned four. And since hubby would be back from work at half five, then she'd take a shower (nothing wrong with that) and paint a face that would put any Indian to shame. Why? Because hubby was coming. I could and can never understand her concept. Does her hubby never see her sleep, has he never seen her get our of bed with unruly hair, or does she sleep as in magazines, perfectly made up, with the perfect pout? I wonder what her pillowcases must look like, probably very colourful with some Salvador Dali artistry. Another friend of mine took to wearing blue contact lenses every day. Until she bagged a boyfriend, and still wore the blue contacts every day right up to their wedding night. The trouble is she married an Englishmen and all English husbands want to toast to their beautiful new wife. And she was really beautiful (still is). But I nearly choked when he said, 'waking up to those beautiful blue eyes for the rest of my life bla bla bla'. Waking up to blue eyes? Sorry to disappoint you, but try the bathroom mirror first. They've been married for ten solid years, and i think it's a good marriage, and hubby has learnt that blue eyes aren't everything, he now thinks that hazel eyes are just as beautiful seeing that their children have all taken after their mother in the ophthalmic department. I will never understand why some girls seem not to want equality; they want the strong macho husband who decides everything for them. One friend of mine went so far as to like being woken up during the night by her husband to take his wicked ways. She'd actually brag about it so much, that every time I saw them together I could only imagine one thing... that of him waking her up. At first she'd get woken up four times, then three, then two, then one, then nothing... and then she had a panic attack. If any man tried so much as to stir me from my sleep for a silly reason like sex, I'd axe him in half. It takes long enough for me to go to sleep and I'm not waking up unless it's a medical emergency. I have woken up when the Mister was very very sick and had to be hospitalised. I wasn't very happy about it, but I couldn't be angry either. Had it been me, he'd have got up in a snap. But needing emergency medical attention is not a silly excuse. If I were woken up by one of my cats being sick, I wouldn't be angry either but rather cry and rush it to the emergency vet. If anybody called for help, I'd do whatever I could, including getting up from bed. But sex? Sex is no emergency. If any man thinks its an emergency, then he'd better walk himself into the bathroom and stay there. But then I'd never be with a man like that. Waking wives up for their wicked ways is so damn rude. Just place an axe under the bed. That'll stop him in his tracks... and his wicked ways.