The sun is shining brightly today, brighter than ever before. The tiny gusts of wind run through my hair, hit my ear and tell me it's going to be all right. The slight chill is just a way of reminding me that it'll soon be Christmas cheer. Somehow, the picture is brighter. I am getting a chiaro scuro effect, but the scuro is immediately giving way to the chiaro. Life is good. And it's going to get better. I'm happy, far happier than ever. I haven't felt this way in years. I'm feeling so young again. Not 35, not even 25. Younger. And I feel lighter, perhaps not physically, but mentally, emotionally I feel like the little ladybird who can swing on a tree branch which can carry its weight.
I'm also apprehensive sometimes, always that little voice telling me if I can do it. I have no answer. But I'll try. I'll try my very best. Nobody has parental skills until they become a parent. So many girls become parents at 16, so can't I do it at 35? I'll try, I will just be myself, I'll follow dad's bible, and that should be all right. I will try to wipe away a not so nice past, and give way to a bright future. But there will be no more tears. No more frustration. No more longings. I am going to put a stop to that. So many people have tried to hinder this, so many people have tried to make it difficult. The thing is, when you want something for real, and when the angels realise you're with good intent, suddenly the impossible becomes possible. They told me it was impossible, they said I didn't know what I was saying, they tried to put a stop to my quest. They tried. I tried even harder than that. My man tried the hardest of all. I have been blessed by an awesome man in my life. He is a man who understands, who has feelings, a high intellect, but an even better heart. And I love him for making this possible. It would still be impossible were it not for him. But it's not anymore. Christmas is the time when people should be blessed with angels. I have an angel already, and I'm getting another one. It will be me and the boys. And I couldn't wish for anything else. It's perfect.
I'm also apprehensive sometimes, always that little voice telling me if I can do it. I have no answer. But I'll try. I'll try my very best. Nobody has parental skills until they become a parent. So many girls become parents at 16, so can't I do it at 35? I'll try, I will just be myself, I'll follow dad's bible, and that should be all right. I will try to wipe away a not so nice past, and give way to a bright future. But there will be no more tears. No more frustration. No more longings. I am going to put a stop to that. So many people have tried to hinder this, so many people have tried to make it difficult. The thing is, when you want something for real, and when the angels realise you're with good intent, suddenly the impossible becomes possible. They told me it was impossible, they said I didn't know what I was saying, they tried to put a stop to my quest. They tried. I tried even harder than that. My man tried the hardest of all. I have been blessed by an awesome man in my life. He is a man who understands, who has feelings, a high intellect, but an even better heart. And I love him for making this possible. It would still be impossible were it not for him. But it's not anymore. Christmas is the time when people should be blessed with angels. I have an angel already, and I'm getting another one. It will be me and the boys. And I couldn't wish for anything else. It's perfect.
