Ugly Clove

I am almost always awake at all the odd hours of the day, night time doesn't scare me one bit. I sometimes think I have vampire blood in my veins the way I become alive once it's dark. Another sign... me and my relationship or lack of, with garlic. I may be about to buy one of this season's best Prada shoes. Throw in a clove and I make a run for it. I so hate the damn vegetable or whatever it is. I think I could also give up my smoking addiction in the same way... if only they made just garlic cigarettes and put an ugly picture of a garlic clove. I wouldn't go anywhere near that kind of thing. Yes even a picture is enough to make me throw up. But I'm digressing. I am writing because I need to get my fix. Not a nicotine fix, but my therapy fix... sans the garlic. If I were to get married, and there's a big if in there, it would go down in my matrimonial contract... to hold and to cherish, for richer and poorer (ok maybe I wouldn't agree much with that),in sickness and in health, for better for worse, according to God's holy law, waving a last adios to garlic... to be my lawful husband. Ok that's fine because I can also play with the word lawful. A lawful husband, meaning I could get a playful husband too? But also without the garlic. And I probably could take a lawful and a playful husband cheating on me with another man or woman, or men and women, but garlic? Oh, no way. I'd start proceedings immediately and make sure I give him the messiest divorce to date. Because anybody wanting to be with me must think twice. It does not just mean being with me, bedding me, talking to me, it also means he can forget about garlic. Forever and ever. I don't care if spaghetti tastes better with garlic, you're either going to eat spaghetti or garlic... choose. And somehow, all my men (Oh God how good that sounds and I hope my mother never reads it) have chosen effortlessly. They have said their goodbyes and not their till-we-meet-agains. Because they probably like a female vampire in their life. I'm not so sure if they appreciate the fangs though. Don't ask me, ask them. Funny thing.... they always stay and stay and stay again and again and again.... stammer problem here.