Beards

Something has caught my attention. A bald penguin has been fitted with a wetsuit made out of a human wetsuit to protect him from the sun. Cheers to whoever thought of it, whoever made it, and whoever dressed Ralph the penguin up. Now Ralph can enjoy the sun without the risk of getting sunburn. Because as opposed as what normally happens to penguins, consisting of new feathers growing and forcing the old ones out, somehow poor Ralph lost all of his in one day. And the other penguins got curious seeing their mate looking 'different' but soon recognised him and now accept him as him. Big lesson to humankind. But I'm not here to lecture today. It's something else which is making me think. Something which has puzzled me for a long time might now be making that little bit of sense. It used to be senseless, now I'm thinking twice. So perhaps men with facial Freudian hair had got it all figured out before I did. I don't like that, but then I'm a woman blessed with being so not hirsute. The only thing I know about is the hair on my head and it's my crowning glory. I wonder what happens with men and their facial hair. Do they want to have natural protection (as in natural family planning kind of thing) from the sun? Does new hair grow and push the old hairs out? If that is so, does that mean that they're losing facial hair all the time? And where does it go? On the floor, gone with the wind fertilizing flowers and shrubs, in their drink? In my, heavens forbid, in my own drink? In my own food? Am I being subjected to teeth flossing without my own knowledge? Because if penguins undergo a complete moult every year, does it happen to men with facial hair too? And isn't that unhealthy, unhygienic, nasty even? How did Freud, someone who wasn't exactly stupid, never think of this? Or did he know and was evilly shedding his facial hair onto his patients in the same way priests shed holy water onto people they like to call possessed? And as if the shedding of facial hair weren't enough, why, oh why, do they have to stroke their beards as if it were their penis extension? Or perhaps it's really a penis extension by the look of things. Man = penis = ego. Then Man = beard = ego too. And do beard brushes exist? I mean, when I brush my hair, the loose hairs get stuck into the brush. Would that happen to beards too? It's unnerving when I think that my Diet Coke might not be as neat as I like to think it is.