Why didn't you get married?

I have just talked to my friend Roberta. It is always a pleasure because she makes me laugh. And she understands. After dialling 'her number' for what seemed like ages and getting the busy answer, I thought she had really won some cell-phone lottery. And after that, I made myself see the number. I was dialling my own number. And Roberta would understand that. We're both a wee bit silly, although that is still a royal silly indeed. But I wanted insight for 'research', and she provides it with a smile even though I cannot see the broadness of the smile through the phone. I feel it, because with her, I turn psychic. I think I will be going to light candles next to some Madonna of something, whatever that is. I am so so glad I never made it to the reunion. Somehow, out of a 120 girls, it's just 3 of us who never made it to the altar, Rob and me included of course. So that either makes us ugly, or stupid, or else highly intelligent and very hard to get. We choose the latter. But what is making me go to light the candles isn't that. It's because I didn't actually get to hear the question..."Why didn't you get married?" !!! Somehow, although not in her style, my friend avoided the question and answer. You see, I wouldn't have. I would have made it the topic of the evening and made sure it would have gone down in history. And for just that, I wish I was there. But I will still light the candles because not going probably saved me from being arrested and thrown into a 3x3 prison cell. No that wouldn't be possible, there's no way I'd fit in there. I'd have a grand 10x10 prison cell with a red plush throne, because that is only fitting for royalty. But back to the cause, if someone had so much as dared to ask me an impertinent question like 'why didn't you get married?', then they would have had to hear my impertinent answer. Which would have gone something along the lines of : I didn't get married because I like sleeping with married guys who are not my own. I didn't get married because I like gang-bangs. I didn't get married because I do not want to see the same ceiling every day over and over. I didn't get married because I do not want to crease my own satin sheets, I will crease yours instead. I didn't get married because I do not want to be called the wife, but the lover. I didn't get married because I like variety and three married men are so much better than one. I didn't get married because there is no way I will launder a married man's skid marks on his pants, rather you will be the one removing the stains. I didn't get married because I am allergic to sex. I didn't get married because I am so scared of popping my cherry since they say it hurts. And the best one of all.... I didn't get married because I am looking forward to my being proclaimed the virgin saint. You will be forgotten, while I will be forever revered. Apologies go to all my married friends who have never stooped so low and who have a brain. Thank you.