It's this twin...

I'm in no lighthearted mood. That doesn't make me sad or angry either. Perhaps a little apprehensive. I need all the strength a big girl like me can muster. Trouble is, looks are so deceiving and a big girl like me can also feel so fragile. I am about to finally open a can of worms. It's not my can of worms, so that somehow makes me feel relieved, it's another's can of worms. So it could never go both ways, only one way. And that makes me wickedly happy. Because these worms aren't even good old happy worms, they're sad old bad worms which have been breeding and festering for four years. Four years is a lot of time. Try four years standing upside down with your head in the loo. Four years is also the time I'm supposed to have the bad eating at me. I don't think it has. Physically, it doesn't seem to be the case. As in metaphor, I don't think it seems to be the case either. I resist change with every inch of my body (some infinite number of inches). I thought I had now way with anyone least of all little anyones. Not true. I have come to love the little ones, I have no clue as to how and why, but I think I've done all right. Little people are a big part of my life now, please God, do not let me ever enter the incestuous, festering environment I lived in for so many years. I do not want to see ugly sagging breasts and ugly butts all over the place. I am fine now. I do not want to work in a sexual harem again. I want to live this clean life with the little people. Because I may have a lot to say about sex, but that's not my fault, I've lived the life for so long. And I don't miss it one bit. I am not going back. So please God, You are supposed to know what is going in my heart and mind, but just in case you mistake me for my flamboyant twin, I'm the other twin, I'm the one who was born first. Just as a reminder You see. I am the twin who is not going back. The other one is doing just fine. Help me tomorrow please. And everything will be just fine. Because I am Your daughter just as the other twin is Your son. And yet we're not the same, and You know it because You made it happen.