My first man

I've been off here for loads of hours. And that spells trouble, because if I can't write it's either because something has happened or that I just cannot write because something has happened and I lack the words. This time it's been both. It's a bad feeling I have and this time it's not because I have done something deemed punishable by the Gods. And I just have to write because I am totally exhausted and I will not sleep until I write. I am angry at the Gods now. How the fuck dare they mess with the men I love? With one they did. With another they almost did where it not for the great Apollo who stepped in and to whom I am so grateful. I do not care for other silly Gods who like to sidetrack me by pushing me down the stairs, or by making me fall. I have no time for them. I need the God of life eternal now. I know that there is the circle of life. I also know that I do not accept the circle of life when it is treacherously threatening all I have. I have cried buckets. I have cried like a baby, and I'm quite ashamed, a big girl like me crying out like that. But then, big or not, it hurts, and perhaps because I am bigger then I have the right to cry harder. There is a solemn bond between a girl and the first man who holds her. It is there for keeps. And my first man is one who has always provided stability in that his love never wavered. He never held another girl after that. I was his first and his last. And I fight back the tears but I need to keep on writing. Too much pent up sadness. There is, in my first man, a lot of joy, wisdom, knowledge and so much love. Perhaps too much. He showed me life as I never knew it before, guided me through so much. And always stood so proud. I wonder why he still loves me so much, I've not been the model daughter. Not many people know how he always loved me the more. I don't care if he should or shouldn't have, the fact is he did and I knew it always. And I loved it. He has been the one to discover the talents in me and to urge me on regardless. He gave life to me, the smiles, the laughter, the chitter chatter, the everything. Never a stern look in his life. And now I'm twice his size and it still hasn't changed anything, he's still my first man, and I'm still his girl. And no, I do not want to think of a day when this man will be just a memory. He's got to stay. I don't care about the circle of life. I can't cry anymore.