Reunions

I read that a high school reunion is planned for Eastertime. And everybody is so enthusiastic. Not me. I hate reunions. Especially girly ones. And I don't get excited just because it was 20 years ago. My schooldays cannot be described as happy. I was always a sad little girl, I didn't like going to school and I hated school hours. And I wasn't a bad student at all, I scored top marks in all academic subjects although my heart was never in them. I wanted my dear old music, and it wasn't there at school. I hated my school uniform, it depleted me of my artistic nature. I didn't like listening to teenage girl gossip, they talked about sex a lot, and I knew nothing about it... back then. We were just 12, they knew it all, I knew absolutely nothing. And it sounds silly because I had Biology as an option, and I just stared. I'm not sure now that their tales back then were completely true, but they made me feel so inferior and were probably also one cause for starting an early sex life. Because I wanted to know, first-handedly since Science books and their diagrams did nothing to the imagination. I was so young desperately wanting to grow up so that I could choose to go to school and not be forced. I wanted to grow up so that I could smoke at my leisure. I wanted to wear what I chose to wear. And most importantly of all, I wanted not to go to school, this grey old building with a mean nun as a headmistress. I wanted to run away from all the myths they were imposing on me. Myths such as, never-let-a-man-have-his-wicked-ways, because otherwise the man will be using you and will dump you in the process. But I have done the same, had my wicked ways with men, used them and dumped them too. It works both ways. I had to wear socks in freezing temperatures, my shirt was not made for breasts which were already existent at 12 years old. And my summer uniform was something like the cat dragged in. I couldn't wait for holidays, I just wanted to get out of there fast. And I never went to all the teary farewell things. Finally I was getting out of there, and that was a reason to rejoice and not cry. And I've never ever been back there and never will. And now, twenty years later, the girls want to reunite. Well, I don't. We've probably all changed a lot for one. But the main thing is I do not want anything or anybody to remind me of those years because I was so unhappy. Schooldays should be the best days of one's life.... not for me they weren't. And I've closed the chapter on schooldays long ago, and am in no hurry to open it again. It's done now, very thankfully. And that's it, it's over, in a very distant past.