Freaky

I am wondering what it is that brings people to my blog. I do no advertising. I have never even spoken about my blog. And yet people make references to it. And it's ok, because although I write for myself and the whole blogger thing is therapeutic, I wonder what brings them here. And I really wonder how in the first place they have come here. Did they Google me? Did they Yahoo me? I know I have my blog address as an email sign off, but I have never sent emails to a lot of people who come here. I know why they read it, it's because it's in the form of a diary and people have an intrinsic curious streak. Or perhaps because it's interesting (big big smile). But I cannot understand how they came to know that my blog actually existed. So why? Is it because I'm such a strange creature that people Google me to see if they can find something to connect me with mankind? Am I, to them the girl without a past, that odd? Or do they want to know something about my past? Am I really that queer in the eyes of people? Is it because I keep myself to myself a lot and that has evoked curiosity? And now comes the other eternal issue; do I so look not human that people want to check out if I'm a freak or not. Well, perhaps I am. One doctor said that bluntly to my face in these words, "You were never meant to be born, you were the second freaky egg who accidentally got loose in your mother's womb and who happened to be fertilised by a slower sperm than your brother's. " Freaky, perhaps not the kind of thing a doctor should say. But worse of all, it is biologically true. A slower sperm who met a freaky egg. Nice one. I do not know if I were meant to be born or not, I had no hand in the whole process. I do know that at the time, I made my dad exuberantly happy, seeing there had been no girl for five generations. Now, I'm not so sure. My mum says that having us was the best and the worst thing that ever happened to her. Perhaps not something a mother should say either. So it seems I've fought against the odds to feel normal. I try my best and yet I still feel freaky. But I'm still human, perhaps just freakishly human.