Death

I am still keeping up with all the Jade Goody news. And each time the headlines stand out, "Dying Goody this, and Dying Jade that." She's dying. And I wonder how on earth she can take all the limelight. Then again I can understand that the limelight would perhaps give her positive things to think about. And now she's using a book about a dying badger to explain it to her kids. Death. Something a lot of people never want to think about. But death happens all the time. And it's scary because we do not know what there is on the other side. I make myself believe in the Christian afterlife because that gives me solace. I am not scared of death, although I am not waiting for it in the post. I have stared at death in the face and it's ugly. I have tried to beat death only for death to beat me in the death race by a couple of minutes. It is the moment when I suddenly thought of the Bible, when it says, "It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour. The sun was darkened, and the veil of the temple was torn in two." It wasn't the sixth hour, but that is how it felt, and how I saw everything around me. I am by no means a Bible fanatic, and yet that is where my mind wandered. I wish I could have been prepared by the book about the dying badger. But I wasn't that lucky. And although all the experience should have made me tough about death and the dying, it hasn't. I am not scared about my own death; I don't want to die, but it still doesn't scare me. My fear of death is if it had to strike the people I love. It's morbid, but I sometimes think who of us twins will go first, and since I cannot bring myself to live a life without my twin, I try to convince myself that I will go first. Call it selfish, but that's the way it is. Death gave me a very hard time, and I never got used to it. And I guess I never will. And for now I will keep reading about Jade whose death will make me cry. I cannot help it.