The addictions

I'm on my own again, desperately soul searching. I don't know what to do about dog feeding today, I am not intent on another fingernail breakage happening. If I lose my claws I will lose my magic, my witchcraft. And that is what protects me from a lot of things including my sometimes volatile temper, although I haven't lost it for a long long time now. I actually cannot remember when it last happened, it's been so long. And I think that it's a good thing too. I do get angry, but I never lose my temper anymore. Sometimes it's just not worth the effort, at other times I've grown to know myself so well that losing my temper is something which brings out the real bad in me, and I don't want to see my bad self which has lurked in the shadows for so long that maybe it had died a natural death seeing that is has been standing in freezing temperatures. This growing old, I'm becoming like mulled wine, and I so long to be like Scotch. Not that I'd know the difference, I'm so ignorant when it comes to bottles. I just arrange them prettily having no idea what is what. I could be the world's greatest Muslim judging by my no-alcohol policy. It is so strange, I have such an addictive personality/personality disorder. I cannot buy chocolate or I'll eat it all up in a flash, I always have a dozen pack of cigarettes because I cannot bare to think what would happen to me if I ran out. I am addicted to shoes, jewellery, eyeglasses, perfume, cosmetics. And by addicted I mean really really addicted. I live in a constant struggle to organise and end up disorganising everything. I would make a terrible housewife. I am thankful there never was a house-keeping G.C.E. or I'd have failed miserably. I think I'm also addicted to clutter although I desperately try to change my ways. But it's not happening. I cannot write very much today. I'm sort of unsettled and upset, because of a T.V. programme. I need to find myself again because I'm lost.