In-betweens

I'm just sitting here and listening to Mariah Carey's "My All" which is heart wrenching on a good day. This isn't the usual me. I love listening to come-on-cry music, which may cross the times from Bach and Beethoven, to Bartok... and Mariah Carey. I think I could break my life into stages just by the music I listened to during all stages, including the old ancient ages. But this is either good or not good. I could never make my mind up. It felt safe. Not now. I think my mind is made up. To do or not to do? I have resisted the I-doi-ng thing for so long, most people have given up on me. But since I'm never single I do not even qualify for a shelf. I think I'm an in-between. In a lot of spheres. My shoe size is an in-between, I will not even comment about my clothing size, the way I think is an in-between, the music I love is also an in-between. And my love life... oh God that's been a hell of a lot of in-betweens. An in-between engagements, an in-between-almost weddings which I run away from just in time, in-between illicit affairs (no use hiding it), in-between a brother and a brother in-law, and in-between daughter (at least my mum thinks I am a part-time daughter, so that makes me qualify), in-between everything. Perhaps now it's time I made the move I'm so scared about. Living as an in-between is safe. I am a girlfriend, a fiancee, sitting-very-prettily, but not a wife. Because the W word is scary; wife, weddings, witness. And the in-between is safe. But I guess it's time now. Should I finally kick the fear away and make an honest woman of myself? One condition.... I want a black dress...for many in-between reasons.