Beds and Clutter

The waiting days are almost up. Of course I'd planned on dressing up to the nines and giving my newly-bought make up a try. Yeah right. I think I'm a very bad version of Mafalda trying to look good, which is never, because even Mafalda looks pretty good next to me right now. I woke up thanks to me ruining my bedsheets, not that I care much about bedlinen. But geeze I could have burnt the house down. I do not recall lighting a cigarette and going to sleep. But I must have, it's only me in here, and my cats are good non-smoking citizens. I also could have burnt myself, as has happened many a time, being woken up by the excruciating pain of the burning. As it is I got lucky, it was just the sheets. And sheets can be replaced in a snap, not like the very ugly burn I got last year, which I tried to pass off as an allergy but was so bad it was obvious I was lying through my teeth. The thing is, I could have said the truth, but one woman actually thought I was getting battered by the Mister!!!! My Mister actually battering something is inconceivable, he's such a big old softy. Henceforth (lovely word), so as not to draw attention to 179, 151, and Caritas, I decided I'd change the lie and say it was a big boil, which was an even sillier lie because it really looked what is was, a burn bang on my cleavage. I thought my cleavage, out of all things, would be scarred for life, but noooooo God sometimes makes things right and there isn't even a hint out of what once was a really ugly and painful burn. So I say yes to burning the sheets instead of my lovely self. But this has got to stop, perhaps I'll just take the ashtray away from the bedroom, but then I cannot sleep if I don't cigarette myself to sleep. Yes odd, but I'm odd and I cannot do anything about it. Anyway, had a really full day and decided to sleep off the afternoon... till 8pm. Cool, I woke up feeling really refreshed, and suddenly too refreshed. There I go again, I managed to spill a whole Diet Coke bottle on my sheets, duvet, right down to the mattress. Perfect. I really must have a thing for beds today. So off went everything, thankfully I have a spare duvet, and a spare mattress (yes I don't throw anything away). But this is delirious, how can a woman be so mad. It's a what's Diet Coke doing on my bed? I don't know, it just happened to be there, maybe I opened it in my sleep. So now there is now way I'll be dolled up by the flight arrival. What can I do about it... nothing. I do so want to clean up my act and have a magazine style bedroom without clutter, and have a clutterless kitchen, a clutterless bathrom. Clutter sort of sticks to me, it has one powerful adhesive. I must be the Clutter Queen, really I'd win a contest like that hands down. Now come tomorrow when my help will be in the house, she will transform my house into a glossy looking house. Then I'll be having my phone on repeat dial because I'll be so lost and everything will be so lost to me. I guess I have to keep trying. I have to, because one day I'll be 70 and in an old people's home, and I will be risking getting thrown on the streets if I take my clutter to Dar l-Anzjani li ghadhom jidhru zghar....