Hiding

I have just a few minutes before I start getting ready as one of my best friends ever is coming along with his girlfriend and her daughter. I know this friends extremely well, I know his girlfriend a little bit, but I don't know her daughter. And that makes me uncomfortable. I am just hoping for the best and assuming that the daughter is one of those easy to be with little people. What I don't know is why I feel so out of place the minute someone new is coming along. It's not about the size, age or shape of new people. It's just because they're new, and so I am going to turn into what will probably be the strangest human being on the planet. I don't know why this happens, but it happens. And it's not some odd thing that is happening now. I remember, I was probably four years old, and I remember hiding behind my dad (I could still hide comfortably behind him at that age) whenever he met someone he knew. It killed me then, it kills me now. It's kills me worse now, because I cannot hide behind my dad. That would be the day. And all this drama, all this fear of a young girl, when I meet so many young girls while earning a living. It's amazing, all this time and I haven't tackled it yet. And I try ti find an answer as to where this fear is coming from, and why. I have no answer, I just know that it's there. It is not present in my dad, not in my twin, and not even in the Mister. It's present in my mother though, and I hate to admit that there is so much of her in me while we look as if we could have come from the North and the South pole. And then, it's not as if I haven't been used to audiences. But that is different, once I take the stage then there is no fear, and no shyness. Which is even stranger seeing that an audience will be packed with strange, odd, and new people whom I will not know. But it makes all the difference. Is it because of the harsh lighting? So as a cure, do I have to start carrying some sort of bland lighting?

Anyway time's up, I have to get ready. Hopefully I'll make it back here safely and see how it all went.