The Dark Side

My house is restored to peace and order and a lovely pinky candy perfume all over. It's so nice, it looks like the war is over. That is the state I left my house in this morning, it was like a bomb had hit the kitchen table. Not now, now I discover I actually have a kitchen table. And I am not exaggerating, the few who know me well know it's so very true. I have accidentally stumbled on an old issue of Cosmo which had a whole article about themed parties. And it's made me think. Maybe I could get away with a themed I-do-party. I am just not sure if I can pull a Medusa look, and having ushers with fangs, pageboys looking like bats, and bridesmaids looking like sexy vampires. That would be cool, because I could actually have my black dress. Because it's a themed thing. I once was invited to a themed I-do party which was held on a boat, and which had a mermaid-fishy theme. Of course the mermaid was lovely, I didn't like human lobsters very much. Oh and there were so many pearls and coral. That was nice. And I also loved the way the bride's mermaid dress gave way into a teeny weeny white sequined bikini. But I don't like the sea very much, and I am not ever wearing a teeny weeny bikini like that. A bikini like that for me would cost just as much as a bridal gown, because I think I'd need 300 metres of the stuff. No, I will go black. Or I could go goth, only I'm not so sure that corsets would do me a very good favour either. I'll just have to find a black rose somewhere, or spray-paint it. Yes it's artificial I know. But so are so many I-do parties which have the classic ivory and white and top hats and flower-bud buttons. And a lot will think I'm not very sane, but then I do not care for that either because I don't think I've ever been very sane. Everyone has their dark side, and there is mine. So it would be just perfect. But then again, I do not have the excitement to go with it. I guess I will never be a blushing bride because I am so brazen (according to mummy darling) and shameless seeing that I have been doing the I-do for six years now, without even having bothered to actually do the I-do. And if I do, do I actually have to move to my mum's for the pre-wedding night? Oh God, no. I don't think she'd have me anyway, she'll never agree to my I-doing. And I don't think she will give me the bees-and-the-birds lecture either. She knows I have got a straight A in my Human Biology O'Level....