What about me?

I think I'm behaving like a very little child who has had her toys taken away from her. Well, at least not behaving, but thinking on the same lines. Definitely. I'm such a bad loser. But then this is no game, it doesn't include toys and yet I feel so pissed off. It's worse than that but that's the only phrase I can find which doesn't border on the obscene. I am constantly trying to prove something which isn't there. And I keep going back to the fear word. I just cannot take it. There must be a million synonyms which could have replaced that, but no, I have it in writing, the word is fear. And that is something which I will never accept. Because I don't believe it. How can a human being go from a take-me-with-you to fear in a matter of days? It could happen had I the luxury of contact, of course I could do something wrong as all human beings are subject to, but I didn't. And unless some old hag has lied so much that her hair has turned white, then I don't believe it. Of course, I cannot prove it. But it all sounds very shifty. I also probably have come to the answer as to the why, but since my blog is gathering popularity (oh la la!) then I have to keep that safely with myself. And I wonder what I should do. Do I keep harping on my mission? Or do I just convince myself that yes there are people who go through a lot in life, but it's not my fault, I didn't create the people, nor was I responsible for giving them a topsy-turvy life, so since it's not my responsibility I should just leave it and look the other way. It's not my fault after all. It *is* daunting and frustrating seeing the ball of lies rolling in the otherwise perfectly smooth stretch of snow-lies and gathering momentum. But what can I do? I have not even thought about myself, when people think it's cool to cower behind a lie. It's not cool, it's pathetic. So we think about the people, big and small. And what about me? Don't I have a right to be thought about? I understand that all is done with the intention to avoid any trauma and suffering where little people are involved. What I will never understand is that all is also done with the intention to avoid any trauma and suffering where the big people are concerned, the big people who have actually created all the trauma and suffering in the first place. Perhaps it's comfortable. Perhaps it's the law. In which case it should be changed. But if the law has intervened, then why does the law go back on it's words? Or perhaps it is not the law but somebody else. Because it's so cushier that way. And, what about me?