Addictions

It's so damn cold that I have thought twice about pulling up my cardigan sleeve to type and have a smoke as a good excuse. Ok so smoking is not a good excuse but a bad one, but I'm done anyway. It appears to me that one can tell the future of whether one will be a smoker or not. The first cigarette one smokes in life is vital. If you think you're going to throw up with your first puff, then that's it, smoker no more. However if you think that the first puff is so good that you want more, well, that's it, smoker confirmed. And I still remember perfectly well where it happened, and who gave me my first puff. Very shamefully it was in St. John's Co-Cathedral, not on the altar of course but in a hidden nook just behind the restrooms. I have kicked myself time and time again about this filthy habit, I have also tried to kick the habit. But there is no willpower because I enjoy smoking way too much to give it up. I know, sometimes I reek of the smell, but I cannot do anything about it. Love it or hate it, it comes along with me, although I do not exactly go about with some badge stuck to my chest which says, I'm brilliant because I smoke. And this is what perhaps has been a blessing. I never knew I could get addicted to a substance, not nicotine. But I have. And that is scary, because an addictive personality could get familiar with so many things, even illegal. Thankfully that is where my addiction has stopped, although I love the occasional Cadbury, but then Cadbury isn't exactly so very bad. On the contrary, I have yet to come across something made by Cadbury that was bad. Cadburdy is all so very good. I do not remember who first introduced me to Cadbury. But I do remember the one who introduced me to smoking, and I am not thanking her, not now, and not ever.