I have done so many things in life, some of which I should be proud of, other of which I shouldn't be. The thing is I don't feel proud or not, they are just fact that happened. I have worked too much already, studied like a beast and practised as if there were no tomorrow. I was so young back then, nothing else mattered. But I am suddenly 35 now, and a lot of things have started to matter. The first grey hair I find will matter (I don't have any yet). The first signals of menopause will matter (even though I guess I still have some years to go). And the day will come when I'll spot a wrinkle, no, two, or perhaps a dozen. It's this thing called life. And what will I have accomplished when the good Lord comes and asks? I'm not sure I have accomplished anything. Which is strange, because if the good Lord is omnipotent and knows everything, then why should He ask in the first place? But I still hope He'll come because I have a lot to ask Him. I try, even now, but I never get an answer. Or else it's such a cryptic riddle that I cannot solve. I want to ask Him, where are You God when we lose our soul mate to the savage thing called death? Where are You when children in Ethiopia do not have clean water to drink? And where are You when someone sends You a secret wish? Do You act on that? Can You act on that, and if the answer is in the affirmative, then why do You just watch on? Why don't You do something about it?
I guess I'll never have an answer. But I still keep praying. I don't know if that classifies me as a complete moron or as a human being who is reluctant to let go of her faith.
I guess I'll never have an answer. But I still keep praying. I don't know if that classifies me as a complete moron or as a human being who is reluctant to let go of her faith.
