Should I? Shouldn't I?

There are some things in a girl's life that cause sensation. It doesn't mean that these same things cause the same degree of sensation in all girls' lives. It usually happens at the age of 25. That means I'm 10 years late already. It is also a time when 25 year old 'virgins' start buying wedding magazines as if they were the only thing in the whole world. It hasn't happened that way for me. At 25, i was way too busy doing something else. Bridal magazines have never, and will never turn me on. Don't know why, but dressing up in pure white just isn't sexy at all. It also does nothing for us who have pale white skin. And at 35, I am way past it. It's funny how things happen in life; the way tragedy gives way to healing, I didn't expect I would be good at that. But I've done it too. And when you've faced the worst in life and yet have bounced back somehow, then some things appear trivial. I was never dreaming of wearing a white lacy dress as a young girl. So many girls already had their life planned out, boyfriend, fiance`, husband, 2 kids. I've missed out on that. Perhaps it's my choice of men, and the way things progressed. But I've always run a mile from the wedding thing. I think I'm doing everything in reverse. Usually people save up to buy a house, then get married and continue saving up for their home. Not with me. It's the exact opposite, now, when I have everything I want, well do I? Don't I? Yes I've been proposed to... for the umpteenth time. And for once, it seems like the rational thing to do. For the very first time, I'm thinking rationally. And do I do it in a church, in a registry office? No idea. I am not very keen on a white dress, white is so unforgiving, black is so much easier to handle. But could I pull getting married in black? Is that bad luck or something? And how the hell does one go about organising a wedding anyway? I haven't a clue. Will getting married earn me automatic respect? Will all the sitting-pretty jokes dwindle to nothing? Will having a ring on my finger change things somehow? I guess not. Before anybody gets excited about the idea, I'm still deliberating, and no there will be no babies. At 35 I'll be risking too much. Babies have never happened, and there must be a reason for that. I could come up with a reason instantly, but let's say that anything I post on the world wide web automatically gets read by I don't know whom. No, it's not because I don't like children. I love children, most times, children are what makes my day. So no, I am not allergic to any child. If I could I would have a whole dozen. Because it's when you see the world through a child's eyes that magic is created. Will I do, or don't?