I have been doing one of my favourite things in the world... shopping. Yes I am a shopaholic, one of the text book kind of. And I've done quite well today too. The problem with me is that I get to start working at the unearthly hour of 8.30 am, and that doesn't leave me with much choice of what to wear. I can barely kick myself out of bed by half seven, and even then it's so many coffees. I suck at going to sleep, and then I suck at being able to get up. It's always been hard this getting up thing. When I lived with my mum it was worse, she'd try and force me to get up by 7. 7 am!! Who in the world can expect to get up at such a time and function? Not me. I am not a day person, but come 10pm I suddenly have the energy of a bull. That is a severe problem, because half of the world are getting ready to sleep when for me it just feels as if I've got up. Crazy crazy world. We should have the leisure of choosing which time we work, play, and sleep. But I am not the Prime Minister of the big blue marble (not yet), so I have to follow directions.
Anyhow, still deliberating on the I do/ I don't thing. There it is, another thing I'm not good at, that is taking decisions. I keep going over the what if's several thousand of times a day. Because it means change, and change is scary. Change is the devil we don't know. But I am tired of the funny looks I get when I never mention a 'boyfriend' instead of a 'husband'. There is also the fear factor of the past coming back down on me with a vengeance. It really shouldn't, and statistically it definitely shouldn't. But what if? So many questions. And so many girls sail right through them, they probably never even stop to ask themselves because wearing a nice (that's up for interpretation) dress and being princess (that's also up for interpretation) for a day is something they've been dreaming of all along. What did I dream of? Diamonds and shoes. That's it. I own more than 500 pairs of shoes, and well, as for the diamonds, I'm not getting one everyday, but it's enough for me.
So now I'm staring at the bought goods. The problem is, I have no space to put them away. My spare bedroom/ walk-in closet is full enough as it is. And no matter how many shoes I buy, I still keep thinking of the glass crystal slipper which I can never find outside of fairy tales. But then fairy tales are just the mind's safety valve which convinces me that somewhere out there, the magic is still there. I just have to find my way to it.
Anyhow, still deliberating on the I do/ I don't thing. There it is, another thing I'm not good at, that is taking decisions. I keep going over the what if's several thousand of times a day. Because it means change, and change is scary. Change is the devil we don't know. But I am tired of the funny looks I get when I never mention a 'boyfriend' instead of a 'husband'. There is also the fear factor of the past coming back down on me with a vengeance. It really shouldn't, and statistically it definitely shouldn't. But what if? So many questions. And so many girls sail right through them, they probably never even stop to ask themselves because wearing a nice (that's up for interpretation) dress and being princess (that's also up for interpretation) for a day is something they've been dreaming of all along. What did I dream of? Diamonds and shoes. That's it. I own more than 500 pairs of shoes, and well, as for the diamonds, I'm not getting one everyday, but it's enough for me.
So now I'm staring at the bought goods. The problem is, I have no space to put them away. My spare bedroom/ walk-in closet is full enough as it is. And no matter how many shoes I buy, I still keep thinking of the glass crystal slipper which I can never find outside of fairy tales. But then fairy tales are just the mind's safety valve which convinces me that somewhere out there, the magic is still there. I just have to find my way to it.
