Something incredible happened tonight. Somehow I got stuck on EBay and logged onto Face Book quite late. I certainly didn't expect to see a long-lost musician friend of mine in all his glory in 2009. But I'm so glad I did. And as I watched the video clips I suddenly couldn't see anymore, so blinded with tears was I. I wasn't expecting them either, but it all felt as if I were transformed into the world of 2005 and all was well, or as well as was to be expected. And I listened and cried, first fighting back the damn tears, then letting them fall helplessly. And I sobbed, because oh God, I miss my friend. But he's passed on and is happy because that is what he deserves. A life not without pain in all forms, sometimes a broken boy who could play like a restored cherub. I loved him, because he was cute, he was my brother's friend, he was a fine musician, who would make cheeky phone calls the content of which I cannot divulge, but also the content of which still makes me smile. We ate endless tortellini, spent endless evenings which turned into nights discussing and laughing ourselves silly about stuff which I will not divulge either. And although I tried to be the best I could be as a friend, I miss him. I would kill for another cheeky late-night phone call, a text asking me to pick him up from somewhere... I can't pick him up anymore, because he finally picked himself up and walked alone. And I miss him more. Because my friend didn't go the easy way either. It seems his life was like that, so full of strife and dire straits...
He's in peace now, although I'm so sure he's turned into a cheeky cherub, a pain free cherub now. And I'm glad. But I'm also selfish, I wanted him to stay even if that meant pain for him. Sorry James I'm still human. And I loved you, and I'm sure you knew that because you loved me too. You were one of the few who wasn't scared when I was in my pain. Strange thing that. And I still cry and find it hard. And because I know you now understand, I dare think about all the other people who gave it rough to you. That is an understatement. I don't know how they hit their pillow. I don't know how they can breathe, eat or drink. I'm glad I wasn't ever one of them.
And you say, ''I want to thank, especially the orchestra, for this concert. They did a marvellous job. We had only one rehearsal.... '' You're thanking the orchestra? It's us who should be doing the thank yous, and yes you got it right, we only have one rehearsal.
He's in peace now, although I'm so sure he's turned into a cheeky cherub, a pain free cherub now. And I'm glad. But I'm also selfish, I wanted him to stay even if that meant pain for him. Sorry James I'm still human. And I loved you, and I'm sure you knew that because you loved me too. You were one of the few who wasn't scared when I was in my pain. Strange thing that. And I still cry and find it hard. And because I know you now understand, I dare think about all the other people who gave it rough to you. That is an understatement. I don't know how they hit their pillow. I don't know how they can breathe, eat or drink. I'm glad I wasn't ever one of them.
And you say, ''I want to thank, especially the orchestra, for this concert. They did a marvellous job. We had only one rehearsal.... '' You're thanking the orchestra? It's us who should be doing the thank yous, and yes you got it right, we only have one rehearsal.
