Still hung up

Good very early morning. Extremely early too. I have woken up to a very strange world, that of half six in the morning. I haven't seen this side of the world for many years. And I haven't been very glad to see it now. What a hell of a night. In the very hellish sense. So I said we were out to dinner. Of course, we did go out, park, then I just felt sick, very sick. Something like big evening sickness. So it was back here with a couple more stops for obvious reasons. Being sick doesn't come in single file for me. I hope I never have to feel that sick for a long time. I thought I'd sleep it off, but I just didn't. Kept getting up rushing to the loo and stuff. I have always wondered how bulimics live, it just cannot be a comfortable life. And it doesn't feel any better either. Another and.... this time I've done nothing to displease the Gods? So Why? I'm not sure why. I am only sure that perhaps it's a tough one for me to handle seeing people in pain and feel so helpless. Now I wish I hadn't chosen such a date for an appointment. Very selfish I know, but being this sick isn't helping anybody. At 35, I've been round the block quite a few times, the block of mental health. But yesterday just threw me back so many years. I am not quite sure whether it was because I looked straight into the eyes of a very sick woman. Mad perhaps, but I hate that kind of madness. I like the shoe-shopping kind of madness, the diamond kind too. But that's about it. But what really clinched it was one sentence coming from a man who should have known better. I said, she was crying poor thing. He said, u iwa loads of people cry. And that shocked me more than anything. And no of course it wasn't my Mister, he was shocked too. How can I not feel for someone in terrible pain? I cannot, this man could. Big shame on him, he should have known much much better. And I can take although never understand the mind of a girl living in a totally different world, and yes I know a psychotic mind creates twisted versions of truths and untruths, but that was totally out of order. Even if coming out of a dominant's person mouth. Because dominance and medicine do not mix well.