The bugs

I have just time for one blog entry today. Sorry guys, it's Nigel night and it's just like a girlie evening in when we get to talk and gossip (not in the wrong kind of way) and bitch (in the wrong kind of way) about everything. This week of course, it's the Eurovision Song Contest module. My hair isn't orange anymore, but I have been made to hold and hold and hold all different types of human hair which come on a leash. At least that is what Nigel's extensions look like. I have held curly hair, straight hair, wavy hair, long hair, short hair, and waited like an idiot with my hands spread wife, waiting for him to tease them into a whole lot of different styles. I think this year it's the human hair extensions Eurovision Song Contest. Geeze, all that hair. But it's ok, because I didn't get to hold hair which is better than mine. Yep, mine's the longest, the silkiest. Mine's the bomb. Although you wouldn't think so when I wear it constantly up for work. There is a reason for that; my out of this world fear of bugs. Bugs don't usually scare me, but not the ones who live in hair. Parasites, they suck blood out of us, do they think our heads are a five star restaurant or what? Can't they make do with Mc Donald's? No, they want silver service, mean old bugs. I hate them. And just the thought of them makes me itch. What's worse is that every time little people heads are checked for the mean old parasites I start thinking they've just stopped at my place for a bite. Then I go into blind panic, start scratching my head as if there were no tomorrow and call Nigel urgently, just for him to laugh himself silly. Because, apparently, Nigel, God of hair and heads has divulged the secret that these bugs stay away from dyed hair because they cannot stand the smell and they cannot penetrate the hair shaft. Oh dear this is like some sex thing, penetrate, shaft.. but then these bugs have sex like rabbits . Madonna what a thought, bugs actually having sex in my head, madonna how messy, how disgusting. And do they use rubbers, and if they do, where do they flush them away, down the human ear? And if they don't use rubbers, what happens with the you know what, is it moulded into some kind of paste so it looks like hair wax? And do they have Kamasutra positions? Or is it just one missionary style? I'm not sure bugs would behave like dogs. Ok now I'm going to dye my hair incessantly. If that is all it takes to keep the bugs at bay. Horrible bugs and their horrid wicked copulating ways.