I am on a weekend break of being bombarded by a man talking nonsense about holy saints. Totally my fault. Every year the Zabbar festa comes up, and ever year I swear not to go and give my musical expertise in the Zabbar church. Every year I fail to keep my promise. Perhaps it's through nostalgia of my childhood, perhaps because it makes me remember the festa with my nannu and makes me feel so young again. Perhaps it's because somehow the Zabbar saint is female and known to give favours, and I could do with one or two. This year it hasn't been any different. I've accepted, so now I have to do it. It's a job, and well I have to do it. Well, maybe it's not a job, and although I grumble about the stifling heat in the church, the smelly people who need an acid bath, the other people who think they can sing and deafen me with monotone 'singing', I think I'd miss it. And it makes my mum happy because I get to listen to a lot of 'quddies', although really I'm fumbling with my mobile and giving detailed accounts what's on. This year, the Zabbar priests have really overdone it. They have invited this Father Antoine to make a lot of speeches, probably better known as sermons. Now this Father Antoine is not more than 45, and seems to be physically fit, but I think he could do with the shrink 24/7. He is mad and they are letting him preach his madness to the spectators, better known as the congregation.
He is standing there talking to the microphone, making big crescendos every two minutes, and saying that 'our mind should be obsessed with God.' That is the exact translation although it sounds worse in Maltese. He is also adamant that we should have this intimate relationship, more intimate than sexual, according to him. That to me spells La Senza, and I cannot see a God in garters and stockings, or underwiring or padding. That was yesterday. Today he outdid himself. Yesterday it was Saint Padre Pio, today it was Saint Maximilian Colbe, someone whom I thought was a nice guy. I'm not too sure anymore. This priest has told me and some two hundred people that Saint Colbe liked to make himself suffer all to praise the Lord. The exact words were, 'we must make our body suffer'. What the hell? Do I tie myself up in chains and whip my back until it's raw or what? Catholic s and M? My body suffer? Do I just bin all the creams and serums and lotions all for the praise of the Lord? Will the Lord love me any less just because I think eye cream is a must? What can the Lord have against body lotion? Is this a new kind of Catholic fashion? Because if it is my Catholic days are over. There is absolutely no way I am parting with my beauty things. God created all things beautiful and I praise the Lord in my own way, with plenty of bling bling thank you very much. And I won't make God wear La Senza, I'll wear it myself. Burn Father Antoine at the stake I plead, he'll probably love it, and it would do me a favour.
He is standing there talking to the microphone, making big crescendos every two minutes, and saying that 'our mind should be obsessed with God.' That is the exact translation although it sounds worse in Maltese. He is also adamant that we should have this intimate relationship, more intimate than sexual, according to him. That to me spells La Senza, and I cannot see a God in garters and stockings, or underwiring or padding. That was yesterday. Today he outdid himself. Yesterday it was Saint Padre Pio, today it was Saint Maximilian Colbe, someone whom I thought was a nice guy. I'm not too sure anymore. This priest has told me and some two hundred people that Saint Colbe liked to make himself suffer all to praise the Lord. The exact words were, 'we must make our body suffer'. What the hell? Do I tie myself up in chains and whip my back until it's raw or what? Catholic s and M? My body suffer? Do I just bin all the creams and serums and lotions all for the praise of the Lord? Will the Lord love me any less just because I think eye cream is a must? What can the Lord have against body lotion? Is this a new kind of Catholic fashion? Because if it is my Catholic days are over. There is absolutely no way I am parting with my beauty things. God created all things beautiful and I praise the Lord in my own way, with plenty of bling bling thank you very much. And I won't make God wear La Senza, I'll wear it myself. Burn Father Antoine at the stake I plead, he'll probably love it, and it would do me a favour.
